The Life & Times of a Proud Sunflower Angel

Heralding the New Year

2012-01-03T12:11:00.001+08:00

Happy 2012!

Time sure flies when you're having a ball in your life. 2011 was not without sadness, heartaches and tries, but all in all it was generally good to me. Alhamdulillah, Allah decided to let me get through one year to see the coming of yet another year. My hopes for 2012 is that it would continue to be just as good or better for me and everyone I care about as it was in 2011. And should there be any trying moments where it could break us or bring us down, I hope we are given the strength and heart to make it through and get back on the saddle again. That's my wish for this year.

On new year's resolutions, I think it's subjective... We don't need the new year to be resolute on something. It's just a good starting point because it gives us a feeling of new beginnings. So for this year, not that I specifically have a resolution... but I would like to have an overall better, fulfilling life with my family and friends. Have good relations, better health, more wealth, happiness, better spiritual strengths, and perhaps find love along the way.

I hope I find 'you'.

Love, Z

Countdown #5

2011-11-22T15:59:00.001+08:00

Right, I know I just posted for countdowns #3 & #4. But since countdown #5 has ended yesterday, I might as well put it in before the memories fade. I am supposedly getting (ahem) older. Haha...

Anyways, Countdown #5 - Good ol' Monday.

After a wonderfully good weekend with mostly myself, it was yet again another start to a brand new work week. Monday, a bluesy bitter one every single time it is associated with work. Heh! The day started out alright. I got ready for work and decided to put on my brand new jacket for work and even though the outfit probably wasn't the most matching, I still thought the jacket would salvage the absence of care in my appearance. You probably don't believe me when I say that I didn't care how I looked at work, or maybe you do. But I tell you how much I didn't care... I did not comb my unruly curly hair at all throughout the day, not a hint of make-up, and half of the day, I was not even wearing proper work shoes. Hah! But some time in the middle, I decided to be a good girl and put on my work shoes.

Did I mention the whole day was crappy too? Oh yes, it was like God wanted me to have a good time but before that could happen, I'd have to undergo a series of crap so that I'd be more grateful. Believe me God, I am. Thank YOU so much for giving me a good end to the Monday.

As the day ended, even though I was super stressed and frustrated, I had another thing to look forward to... my dinner with Pinkstar. We were initially planned to meet tonight but by the powers that be, we somehow shifted the dinner to Monday. It could not have come at a much more opportune moment.

Dinner with Pinkstar is always fun. We'd eat and then talk about anything to catch up and next thing you know, the sugar hits and both of us will be a giggling duo. We'd reminisce, talk about life, work, about our friends and family, food, travels... you guessed it - ANYTHING. Haa... I love friendships that could not have an awkward phase.

And the thing with dinner with Pinkstar is, we'd NEVER realise just how late we'd stayed at the restaurant until suddenly the waiter comes over with the bill... without us asking for it. Haha... I was so pleasantly surprised when she insisted she pay for my dinner in celebration of my birthday. Made me feel like a total douchebag though since I couldn't treat her for her birthday dinner last month when I met up with her. I was in a fix monetary-wise last month. Sorry babes... but the next one will be on me! Hehe...

I went home a happy camper. :)

Countdown #3 & #4

2011-11-22T11:19:00.003+08:00

Am sorry my countdown #3 & #4 updates didn't go up according to schedule. I guess I could lump it all up for countdown #5 & #6, which is yesterday and today. But today is still early and I don't know what is in store for today. Soo.... let's just recap my #3 & #4.

Countdown #3 & #4 incidentally fell through on a Saturday and Sunday. Perfect! #2 & #3 kinda got stuck together when I had my wonderful meet up with my Best Friends for Life (BFL), Mae. Friday didn't quite end up as best as I thought it would be at work. I did shed some tears (boohoo) thanks to my great buddy, Stress. But it was quickly dried off in time for me to be with Mae. It was such a great night especially since, she treated me to dinner, gave me a birthday present (which I still think is unnecessary coz having her around is present enough), and we talked for 8 hours straight! I'm pretty sure we would have gone forever if it wasn't for how tired we were. I loved every second of it! Thanks a lot, Mae!!

Which trickled into countdown #3 - Saturday... Needless to say, after that long, fun night with BFL, I gave myself a break... sleeping in! Woke up close to midday simply coz I got hungry as hell. I had no plans whatsoever, except maybe to try go for a replacement dance class. But I made a call to my brother and voila - Lunch! Yumm...

After lunch, I decided to check out the scene at Talent Hub in time for the afternoon class. But as it turns out, my beloved dance instructor was sick! So classes got cancelled. But it wasn't all lost coz I was asked by Mae to be her emcee in her December Malaysian wedding recep. So, I was on a hunt for a dress.

Unfortunately, the dress I'd saw just 2 days before was sold off so I was left empty handed. Aww boo!

So what did I do next? Well, I went walking around in Bangsar and then after a while of walking around aimlessly and purposelessly (hah!), I decided to head on home before it rained yet again. Bought my 1901 hotdogs for dinner and as soon as I got home, the domestic-goddess spirit got triggered when I saw how messy the front driveway of my house was - I started cleaning! Gahh... But I was satisfied that I'd at least got rid of some muck that was making my house unsightly. Yeesh!

The rest of the evening wore on just nicely after that at home, in front of the tele, eating my hotdogs. :)

Countdown #4 - Sunday, I decided to wake up early - to do my laundry! Gaahh... I knew the domestic-goddess spirit hadn't left me as yet. I also had a wedding to get to in the arvo, so waking up early was a good decision. I did my laundry, put in the cooking gas, cleaned the bathroom, cooked brekkie, then just chilled till it was time for me to get ready for the wedding. Met up with Alphatin, Jasper, Cikinot & her new boyfriend at Bella's wedding. It was really nice and Bella looked lovely.

After the wedding, I had an itch to watch a movie. But not just with anyone... I wanted to watch a movie with... myself. Yayy! Off to Subang Parade where I was pretty sure there'd be tickets still at that little new cinema they opened. I watched 'Immortals'! Wahoo! =D

Once the movie was over, I thought of doing a once over browse in search of my dress. All over the mall I went, but the last stop was in Parkson where there's tonnes of brands housed there. Almost gave up too, until I found it. Something not you would normally see me wear but it was perfect! Pretty, vibrant, fun, fresh, and selling at half price. And get this, because it was in Parkson and I had a shopping voucher from there, I only ended up paying a very tiny fraction of the cost of the dress. WONDERFUL!!!

That was just how great my last weekend before my birthday was. I felt so blessed. Alhamdulillah...

On to a good few more days to D-day! :)

Countdown! #1 & #2

2011-11-18T10:59:00.000+08:00

It's the 18th of November 2011. I should start a countdown entry. Countdown to what? My birthday, of course! Haha...

I should have started the countdown yesterday so that I'd have exactly 7 days of party and mayhem to report (nah, just kidding). But better now than never at all. :) So I'll just recap yesterday's things and follow on through to the 24th.

Yesterday, 17th November 2011, was a good day. The day before was exceedingly tiring and emotional that I succumbed to it like nobody's business. But things got better as I rested and wrapped my mind around the excitement of my birthday. I can't help it. When it comes to my birthday, I become a kid again. Always loving the fact that no matter how shitty things are, my birthday will always bring my spirits up.

So what happened yesterday?

Well, the fact that I had enough sleep was something to be thankful for, as a start. Then I got a call from my Mom who told me that my niece aced her national primary school exams with flying colours. First, birthday present for me. It's something am so happy about because my sister asked me to give her daughter a pep talk to boost her motivation to go for greatness. Am just thankful that some of the things I did say to her got drilled through to make her work hard for her exams. Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah... Next would be for her to get through the assessment for entrance to a private residential school.

Later that day, I went over to my optical shop in Bangsar to pick up a very special order. My second birthday present from my beloved parents. I LOVE it!! Not just coz it's exactly what I've been eyeing for, but for them to approve of it and decide to make it my birthday present. I can't wait to wear it at the Breaking Dawn Part 1 premier on the 23rd! I'll post up pictures of it then. Right now, it's still safely tucked away in it's velvety case. *so excited*

And I was feeling so happy right after that that I went over to Dorothy Perkins to check out the sale and did a spontaneous decision to get something there. Weee!!! I'm gonna wear it for work next Friday. Then, when I got home, I got a call from a friend who once upon a time was a little eye candy of mine, which made me even happier. I went to sleep feeling cozy. :)

And what about today?

Today, is extra special. Today I will get another special birthday present. Today, I will see my BEST-FRIEND-FOR-LIFE-WHO-I-LOVE-TO-PIECES... Mae! (I would be jumping up and down now if I wasn't at work). I can't wait to see her. I don't care how today is gonna be at work, I just know I will be spending precious time with Mae who is back here for a very brief period to prepare for her Boxing Day Wedding Reception in December. Yayyy!!!! I'm sure I will be talking to her till I lose my voice. Haaaa...

Gotta save some energy for tonite. Am so excited, I'd burst! :p

Breaking into November 2011

2011-11-09T12:48:00.004+08:00

HUNGRY!!! And it so doesn't help that I am looking at food photos on the internet. It's another 12 minutes to lunchtime but am faced with the most challenging question of all... what to have for lunch?

The month of October ended and November is here! Am so excited because I have tonnes of fabulous things lined up for the whole month... well, even if I don't it's still an exciting month.

Things to look forward to this month:

1) Wedding! Not mine, but some friends... And they're not just in KL but also outstation. So there's the possibility of road trips all over Malaysia.

2) Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 movie premier!! I've already secured my tickets through my beloved Twiheart Alphatin and her sidekick (sorry Jasper, you're not it), Cikinot.

3) Mae's homecoming next week!! She's only gonna be back for a week but am definitely gonna snatch her away from her tight and busy schedule, REGARDLESS. I'll tell her mum, granny, brother, hubby, whoever else that dares... "Sorry folks, this is my time with her. All y'all will just have to wait." Mwuahaha!

4) My Birthday!!! Everybody say "Heeyyyyy...!" =D

With regards to the mumbo-jumbo drama I went through about a month ago... well, that's all pretty much water under the bridge. Am so through with it that I have gone from super-emo to super-indifferent. I've decided to be a grown up about it all. What is the point for me to be miss sulky and icy to the fella when he has no clue anyways? It did have an effect on him when I was going through that episode. My little ‘display’ got him worried that he might lose a friend in me. How do I know? Because he actually texted me about it, which ended with us sorting things out to let it just go back to how things were. So, I decided, why put the man in misery any longer than necessary, and just locked away my feelings and threw away the key. Don't worry, he still has no clue and will not have any clues at all. We’re now back to being friends minus the butterflies and awkward yearning and fluttering heartbeats, on my part. I am at peace. J

Know why else I am at peace? Well, in the middle of the situation I got myself into, I had an… epiphany, you could call it. I was driving to work one day, and in the middle of the traffic jam I suddenly realised how much I have grown. It was in the middle of the jam that I faced the fact that I am an adult who is really quite ready to settle down with someone. Without fear or doubt or concerns of what the future would be like, I know in my heart of hearts that should Allah The Almighty make it so that I would meet my truly intended in the next minute, I would not even hesitate to head towards “till death do us part” with him in as long as he wants the same with me. I am ready to spend my life with someone.

I spoke to Alphatin and Makbed about this. I told them how the fear of praying for “The One” has gone away and how it is a welcoming feeling to be this ready. They told me that God would be fair to His followers and He would give to those who 1) is ready, 2) welcomes it, 3) prays for it, and 4) is patient for it. So here I am, ready, welcoming, praying and being extra patient for “The One”, whoever it might be. InsyaAllah… (I still haven’t told my parents yet though! :p)

So that’s the update for the beginning of November 2011. Am making the most out life, no matter what obstacles or challenges I face. J

Resurrection

2011-10-06T10:42:00.001+08:00

Hi all,

Being quite literary I have always been a person who relates to lots of lyrics of songs, poetry and books. I find salvage in the underlying meanings and the descriptions of words put together with thought and care. And I find that in almost every situation I go through, there is at least one song that would aptly describe how I feel or how I should overcome or just to cope with things. It can be sad, happy, motivating, silly, fun, holy; just about any type of emotion that ever existed.

While am going through this shite currently, I was jolted awake to get out of this fast. And even though it's only recently that I spoke about this to my bestest friend and confidante in the whole wide world, I know that was already on the road to recovery, thankfully. I still would slip from time to time but am determined to not let it consume me any longer. And the song that is giving me that final boost out of this is Beyonce's "Best Thing I Never Had".

This girl still has fire in her enough to make it through this!

Thanks everyone. :)

Lots of love!

**********************************************************

What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around

There was a time, I thought
That you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy, I must've been out of my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass, and I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So Baby good looking out

I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now

So sad, you're hurt, boo hoo
Oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
To think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and baby yes, I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
Baby, good looking out

I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'll never be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now
I know you want me back
It's time to face the fact
That I'm the one that got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time
Another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye

I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I will always be the best thing you never had
Best thing you never had!

Goes around, comes back around
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now

Letter

2011-10-04T16:47:00.001+08:00

Heyya...

So here's the thing... Am not really in a great disposition at the moment or rather... lately. Something happened/didn't happen/about to happen... I don't know. But all I know is, my emotions are in an all time highs and lows which leaves me physically and literally nauseous all the time as if I've been on a perpetual rollercoaster ride. Sometimes I'm okay with people around me, other times all I wanna do is disappear and just be by myself. I am stressed out all the time, or rather I have a distressed feeling in my heart. It aches so bad at times that I literally cry out in pain. There are days when all I want to do is just lie curled up in my bed and not face the world. It takes me so much energy and effort to pull myself together and put up a brave front that at the end of the long day all I could do is collapse, exhausted and spent.

But then I have to put up this front. I can't let people around me see this. All they see is how exhausted I am and I could easily account for my lack of breaks from work. It's disguised so perfectly that when people ask me why am different I'd just smile tiredly and say, "Sorry, am just tired from work. It's been so stressful".

I lost my appetite that even though I am famished, the moment the food is there within my reach, I'd shy away from it. The situation makes me want to vomit so badly even without anything in my stomach. I go to bed tired and I wake up exhausted with puffy eyes. My sleep is starting to be disturbed. I wake up every 2 hours not knowing why. And I struggle to fall back to sleep because my mind will immediately be flooded with my thoughts and emotions. Nonetheless, I fall back into fitful slumber.

Day in, day out... one day at a time.

I busy myself with work, I ignore it even though it is right under my nose, I act nonchalant like I haven't noticed a thing, I made myself the butt of jokes as I often do, I make others laugh and laugh with them. I have been made the fool, as I have often been. I just wasn't.

I feel like I've let people down with yet another of my failure. Just another one to be lined up among the many failures in my life. For that, am so sorry. I think from now on, let's just not have any expectations. I didn't mean to bring your hopes up as I did mine. It would've been easier if I had just been numb and indifferent from the start. My mistake was to let myself feel. Perhaps I am not meant to feel. And I am so sorry. Truly I am. If not for you, then to myself. I have let myself get hurt... again.

I hide this from my parents, I hide it from Buffy who usually knows everything, I hide it from my friends because I cannot let them see me at my weakest, I most definitely hide it from my work, I'd hide it from myself if I could.

So please, let me be on a hiatus for a while to regroup myself. To lick my wounds and lie to myself enough to convince myself that I am fine.

Love,

Yours truly

If I Die Young

2011-10-04T11:41:00.000+08:00

Yet another meaningful bittersweet song that is in my current fave list. By a rather new band, country too! The Band Perry.

The meaning in the song was simply that everyone should make the most of life no matter how long or how short we live in this world. It also has the added meaning (to me) that we should appreciate the people around us while they are still with us rather than regretting that we haven't given them enough time of the day.

One of my favourite lines is "Send me away with the words of a love song".

What about you?

*********************************************************

If I die young
Bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord made me a rainbow
I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know am safe with you as she stands under my colours
Oh and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

Chorus:
If I die young
Bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white
When I come into your kingdom
Am as green as the ring on my little cold finger (and)
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town
Says he'll love me forever
Who would've thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life
I've had just enough time

(Repeat Chorus)

So put on your best boys
And I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
A penny for my thoughts
Oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after am a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing
Funny when you're dead how people started listening

(Repeat Chorus)

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys
And I'll wear my pearls

H.A.T.E. U

2011-10-03T12:22:00.001+08:00

I actually like this song. It's so bittersweet and sang by the amazing songstress, Mariah Carey. I've always thought it's poetic rather than musically rythmic.

*********************************************************************

Once upon a time, we swore not to say goodbye
Something got a hold of us and we changed
Then you sat alone in pride and I sat at home and cried
How'd our fairytale just end up this way?

Bridge:
We went round for round 'til we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring not making a sound
And if that's a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye?

Chorus:
I can't wait to hate you, make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to face you, break you down so low
There's no place left to go
I can't wait to hate you

Oh, this was a love phenomenon no one could explain
And I wish I could press reset and feel that feeling again
I sit and press rewind and watch us every night
Wanna pause it, but I can't make it stay

(Repeat Bridge, Repeat Chorus)

No need to call my phone 'cause I changed my number today
And matter fact, I think I'm moving away, away...
Sorry the frustration's got me feeling awake
And I just keep on having one last thing to say

And I just wanna hold you, touch you, feel you, be near you
I miss you baby, baby, baby
I'm tired of try'na fake through
But there's nothing I can do, boy
I can't wait to hate you

(Repeat Chorus)

I can't wait to hate you 'cause right now I need you
I can't wait to let you go

The tug of love

2011-09-28T12:29:00.000+08:00

You know that familiar aching feeling you get when you feel like there a special someone that is making things so exciting and scary at the same time? Like the flutter each time you have any contact with that person which exhilarates but makes you so afraid that you could lose them. The feeling sails right down to your stomach because it's a strong physical reaction to the emotion. How about that whisper of an instinct that forewarns you to brace yourself for impact that what you hoped would be a fairytale come true is probably going to burst up in flames? That you could never get them within your afterall that all you could do is heave a great big sigh which is a cocktail of sadness, grieve, regret, and self-assuring that it's okay.

It has been years since I felt a tug as strong as this. The first time I felt it, it was more than 7 years ago back when I fell for someone unreciprocated. I couldn't say I was in love then because love, in my opinion, should be a feeling that is felt by both towards each other at the same time. And I never quite admitted even to myself to being in love with him. However, as I grew and healed from the hurt, and wondered why I felt so much for so long, I realised that perhaps I was in love and just didn't know it.

It's not easy to admit that when you have no one who actually would admit the same back for you and to you. And I suppose it's not really fair to deny myself that revelation or realisation, isn't it? I think if you look at it in that perspective, I am lucky to have felt this eventhough it's unrequited and I am only on the outside looking in. Perhaps not so lucky to actually have it. But I must continue to have faith in the Divine and Almighty that He would bless me with someone to share my life with... eventually.

So to those who have been with the person you love, knowing that they loved you the same time you love them, even if you were heartbroken or have broken their hearts, you're still more blessed than me and should be grateful for that brief moment when it was wonderful and amazing with the one you love. My fate in this story is yet to be made known. I have a hope for things to unravel promisingly. But I also have that gnawing ache at the pit of my stomach which is like an anchor that sinks me into a dream that could be going awry.

When I am just a Blurred Apparition

2011-09-27T17:13:00.001+08:00

I seem to be seen but unseen

Like a vision that lingers as light as a memory

Like a dream that you had which was sweet and dreary

I wish you'd wish you'd want and yearn for me

I wish you'd wish I'd believe you loved me

I wish you'd know me to know what's in me

But how I wish you knew the yearning for you to be with me

While I'm being drowned pushed down by beauty abundance

To have you reach out for me, to have you pick me, to have become the chosen one

Oh how it would be a wonderous occurence

The one and only time that I become somebody for someone

Is it to be? If it is to be? Would it ever be?

I would have that one and only time to be

As hope and expectedness dims to a soft glow

As the vision of you and me dissipates in the shadows

As I become the blurred apparition, so well that I know

I imagine me being seen crystal clear by you

I wish you knew how much I love you.

So you think you can dance?

2011-09-15T17:02:00.001+08:00

1. More - Usher

2. Out of my head - Lupe Fiasco & Trey Songz

3. Yeah3x - Chris Brown

4. Superhuman - Chris Brown & Keri Hilson

5. E.T - Katy Perry & Kanye West

6. Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO

7. One in a Million - Neyo

8. Right Next to you - Chris Brown & Justin Bieber

9. California Kingbed - Rihanna

10. Out of my mind

11. Moves like Jagger - Maroon5 & Christina Aguilera

12. Forever - Chris Brown.

12 songs, 13 weeks of Street Jam classes and MORE to come. Week after week, Princess of Lepaqs, Babydoll and I look forward to our dance class in Talent Hub. We're all not great dancers since we could hardly move right all the time, and we're always freestyling whenever we couldn't get the choreography, but every week we look forward to it because, a) we have an awesome instructor by the name of Vivian Chan who was one of the top 10 participants of 'So You Think You Can Dance', Malaysia; b) it's a fan-freaking-tastic 1 hour jam-packed work-out; c) we get to de-stress after a (usually) horrendous day at work, d) it's fun.

Eventhough Princess of Lepaqs and Babydoll are thinking of moving on to kickboxing next month, I think I'll still remain with Street Jam, until I gather enough nerve and courage to try out our instructor's Contemporary dance classes. Shoot! It's scary as hell coz it's so challenging. But I reckon I would need just as much energy and strength to do contemporary dances as kickboxing requires. I will give the trial class a go with my partners-in-crime, and who knows, I might like it. But I love dancing, so it's highly probable that I will stick to it.

That's one thing down on my list of things to do in my life, by the way. YAYY!!! So happy I fulfilled that bit.

Dancing: For as long as I could remember, I have always been fascinated with dance and singing. Dance movies are instant faves. Even more so if it includes singing. Movies like Singing in the Rain, Summer Stock, The King and I, Grease, Dirty Dancing, Strictly Ballroom, Honey, Step Up, Save the Last Dance, these are just some of the movies that inspired me and make feel good whenever I watch 'em.

So when I was 16, I finally braved myself to participate in my school house cheerleading team. Mind you, I have been a chubby-wubby since I was a bub. So it was a little bit daunting to think that a person of my size would even be allowed to be a cheerleader. But then when I saw some of my "more-to-love" seniors in school who jiggied on the field for sports day like it was "1999", my temptation was pushed from curiosity to reality. The difference between the conventional style of cheerleading and how my school did it was, they needed volunteers who could follow the choreography well. If you can't really follow, then you wouldn't make the cut. So I guess in a way, that was the "audition". And then there wasn't any criteria in terms of size or weight or height. There wasn't a specific jump, summersault, splits, or complicated twists and turns that we had to demonstrate to qualify for the team. We just had to be a team, and dance our arses off. Of course it comes with the cheers and pom poms, the claps and the outfit. But it was so much fun too, especially when we get special times and excused from classes to practice our routine. There were, of course, some who were bonafide gymnasts. So they could do the tricks and we'd (the non-gymnasts) be the support.

There were four teams in my school; Adele (yellow), Aidan (red), Pauline (blue) and Xavier (green). I was in the green house. Among these four, we had to collect points to determine the overall winner through various sporting activities. Cheerleading also gets judged and would contribute to the overall points. My 2 cents contribution for my house was tug-of-war and cheerleading. I was never a sportsgirl to begin with. Anyhow, as it turned out at that time Xavier was really strong. We emerged as the overall winner and our cheerleading was judged the best. It was one of the best 15 minutes (literally) of my life to be on that field forming a part of the 'X'.

After that, I hardly took part in any coreographed dances. Yeah a little bit of jiggying here and there when I go out with my friends but that's just mostly swaying to the beat. The only other time would be when I performed for annual dinner of one of the companies I've worked in. But it was still nothing quite like the exhiliration of full blown coreography. Until now, that is.

Maybe after this I will also try out salsa. Or maybe I should wait for when I have a dance partner. Haha...

Keep on dancing!

Baby, let's talk about babies

2011-09-12T10:54:00.000+08:00

Babies... have I mentioned before how earlier this year I had a yearning to have a baby? Yep, my maternal instincts was on an unusual high that point that I told Alphatin, 'Can I skip the marriage part and just have a baby without a daddy?'

Crazy, I know especially coz of religious reasons and I don't have any suicidal thoughts in my brain. Haha! But I think it's normal at times for one to suddenly feel like a baby would make life more meaningful. The only difference in this case is, I didn't want to get married (at the moment when the thought came on), and I didn't think I need anyone to "help" me get the baby (if you know what I mean). I would've been glad to just get preggers on my own (clinically done) or even to just adopt. But of course I'm not totally insane. Although I did give it some thought, especially on how to get a child that's my own without having a baby-daddy or having to get married, I do realise that financially any baby I would have would not be super-duper happy or laden with the comforts I had as a child in my current state of affairs.

So... baby project for me is on hold till the next pang, which I hope would be when I actually have a husband or just about to be married. Thanks!

But talking about babies wasn't to end there... As it turns out, my sister Buffy and BIL got preggers in early July of this year. I'm gonna be an aunt again!! So I might not have a baby of my own but my sister, InsyaAllah, will have one of her own come February 2012. Wheeee!!! A baby in the house again.

And not only that, I also found out mid-Ramadhan that one of my besties, Alphatin and her hubby-bubby Jasper are expecting as well! WOW!! Am just so stoked for these people. Good things usually come to those who wait and deserve it. I am so glad that these wonderful people are going to be blessed with one of the many gifts in life by Allah Almighty. Alhamdulillah...

I hope when it is my turn, I'd be just as lucky. InsyaAllah... I suppose all that urge to have a baby didn't go all to waste since two of the people I love in this world will be getting one of their own soon. It'll be great for sure!

p/s: Makbed also got a bouncing baby boy this year, who I have not met yet. But MASYAALLAH... he is GORGEOUS just like his big sister and momma. <3

"Did it hurt?"

2011-09-09T23:48:00.002+08:00

Me: "What?"

Him: "falling from the sky."

Me: *ROFL!*

So went the conversation I had today with someone. It was the first time EVER that a pick-up as cliche as that has been used on me. I've had several weird ones before and honestly, it's kind of refreshing to get one that is SO off the 'Big Book of Pick-up Lines'. I swear, it was done so well that I did not suspect it to be a line one bit! And I've read that for a bloke to know if a pick-up line is working on a girl, it would be if the girl laughs at it. So I suppose since I outright chortled oh-so-unabashedly, it worked it's magic. Bwahaha!!!

That sort of made my day. :)

I've had weird pick-up lines before. It borders on bizarre really. The most memorable ones are these 2... And I tell ya, these are GEMS!

First one I've had EVER...

Guy: "excuse me, where's the cinema?"

Me: "It's on the 4th floor."

Guy: "Wanna go for a movie with me?"

Me: "...no..." *walks away FAST*

(I guess that's not too bad... Except that I was underage at the time & it was said by a huge African dude!)

The piece de resistance...

On an escalator at a shopping mall after work. This guy was standing next to me talking loudly on his mobile. He finishes his conversation and suddenly... He was talking to me O_o

Guy: *sigh* "So difficult to get around when you have no car & need to rely on others. Am from out of town. Have to wait for my friend to pick me up at the main entrance. Does this way lead to there?"

Me: (while still surprised he was talking to me) "uh... Yeah..."

Guy: "Oh ok... Thanks. I get lost sometimes. Do you work here?"

Me: "No."

Guy: "I see. There's where I gotta head to. So you want my number??"

Me: (a cross between shocked, confused, amused, mortified & disgusted because he looked like he's married with at least 3 kids) "NNNOOO!!" *runs away*

(I scooted off away from there so fast I didn't even hear what he was saying to me after that. Damn man!)

And don't even get me started on the countless stalkers I've accumulated. All amazingly enough from guys who have never seen me and have 'mistakenly' called my mobile number. Urgh! I've changed my number several times and with each new number, I'd have at least one stalker. And not those genuinely sorry they called the wrong number and promptly learn their mistake. These are the persistent types. Ones that think they could entice a girl with their calls and texts that make you cringe!

Whoawell, such is my life. Can't seem to get a guy in it as yet but hey, at least I have weird pick-up lines and stalkers to amuse myself with. Bwahaha! :D

Closing Ramadhan to welcome Syawal

2011-08-29T11:43:00.001+08:00

It's the LAST DAY of Ramadhan 2011. Can you believe how time flies?? The last entry I put in was when I was heading for my Tioman roadtrip! Plenty have occured since then one of which is the holy month. It just went by in a breeze, I barely even had time to fully grasp it. Alhamdulillah, this Ramadhan has been good albeit some unavoidable challenges surrounding work. Nevertheless, I wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. Every year, I honestly always look forward to Ramadhan when peace seem to overcome me. And it is not without sadness that bid adieu to it again to make way for Syawal. I hope and pray I'll see it again next year. I'd want to invest in it better than this year, InsyaAllah.

So since it's the last day of Ramadhan, I'd like to wish all of you "Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin" from the bottom of my heart. If I had intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously hurt you or offended you, I truly apologise. I am weak as a human being and only you and Allah may forgive me for all my setbacks.

So have a wonderful celebration, stay safe and see you in September 2011, with many more good things to come, InsyaAllah.

Lotsa love. <3

Vay-Kay-Shen weekend! =D

2011-07-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

Am going to Tioman Island yo! It's almost 4pm on yet another Friday and am at the edge of my seat with excitement about this trip. I haven't had a vacation/break/roadtrip/holiday (whatever you wanna call it) since May 2011 when I went to Singapore with Alphatin and Jasper.

This time around I'm going with my crazy fun colleagues. We've planned this since about a month ago and eventhough it was touch and go almost to the very last moment, we finally decided to just go with it. So what if the drive to Mersing takes about 5 hours from KL? So what if we're driving tonight to reach Mersing at 4am to catch the 5am ferry? So what if the ferry ride to Tioman Island takes 2 hours? So what if, after all that, we're only staying in Tioman for one night, and going back to KL on Sunday, AND working on Monday? BWHahahahahahaha! Yep, toldja we're crazy. :p

But you know what, it's gonna be a lot of fun, I reckon. All I know is, whatever it may be, am not gonna get all stressed up about the vacation, am not gonna take things slow, not chasing castles in the sky, am gonna sit by the beach and lounge about. Yeaahhh... I think am all set. hehe.

Okay, time to wrap things up. I have this assignment given to me today which is due on Monday but am gonna wing it. Let's FLYYyyyyyyyyyyyy... like a Rocketeer.... lalalalala....

Catchya peeps!

Digressing!

2011-07-19T11:26:00.000+08:00

Arghh... what to write for this paper am doing at work??! I have some points but to start a sentence is proving to be more difficult than just saying it all in point form. Shite!

And now you see what am doing? Writing in my blog instead. Am so not focused. Partly because I'm not fully awake and when I have to so something like this I need inspiration for my "creative juices" to flow. In the meantime I would rather do just about ANYTHING other than the actual job itself. haha!

**Text message comes in**

That was my sister, Buffy. She's on MC today... actually on MC for the whole week. She's at a very uh... "delicate" condition right now. Hehehe! She's staying with me till her husband comes back from his business trip, which should be tomorrow night. I got pretty worried about her coz last night as we were going to dinner suddenly she complained of stomach pains. I wouldn't have worried too much about it until I saw her looking like she was about to cry! So I told her to wait in the car while I get dinner and then drive on home where she'd feel more comfortable. I think dinner was a bit too late. So I told her to standby some crackers in case meal time gets delayed.

Thing is, she's craving for some McD's. But since her doctor and hubby is refraining her from having junk food, she's just not satisfied... EVER. As a result, she goes in and out of irritable and tantrum mode. HAHAHA! Am now thinking, maybe I should play devil's advocate here. But I'm worried it might be risky for now. Hmm... lemme give that a bit of thought.

Anyways, I've eaten breakfast and it's now 11.11am. I have this paper to finish by lunchtime, and I have only the first para done. AACK!! Need. Inspiration. Please.

Hey, look at me digressing again... my mind is floating now to tomorrow night when I will go for my Street Jam dance class. Woot woot! It feels good to be dancing again. And this time I finally signed up for a class. Joined it about a month ago with Princess of Lepaqs and another friend Babydoll Rose. We're not the best students of course, but our instructor loves having us around because we always make the class more lively with our comic acts. Haha!

Ooh! Did I also mention that am going to Tioman Island this weekend? Ramadhan is coming pretty soon, so before that happens am going to take a mini holiday just me and my friends. Wheeeee!! Excited. Wish I could fast forward to Friday night and then hit the pause button for the weekend.

Owh man... look what I've done... I've written a mile long entry here and for work am still on first para. Shoot! Better get crackin. Check-in the bloggy world again lay-ter!

Alphatin & Jasper: United At Last

2011-07-18T12:33:00.000+08:00

It's July and 2011 is maintaining that good feeling it brought in since January.

One of the most recent happenings for July is... my other good friend got married!! Alphatin and Jasper finally took the plunge for happily-ever-after. So she has joined the likes of Mae & James, Pinkstar & Shark, Yilei & Han, and oh-so-many of my other friends who tied the knot. This wedding is equally as memorable for me as it was for Mae & James' because...

Alphatin is my other best friend in the whole wide world apart from Mae (I only consider these two as my best friends even from schooldays);
I have been given the honour to do Alphatin's makeup for her akad nikah;
She selected me to drive the newlyweds to the reception venue in my humble little Phoenix;
She gave me the honour to bless her wedding among her family members;
Her family reserved a seat for me at the main table to dine with the newlyweds among VIPs.

I really feel blessed for having really good friends. Brings back wonderful memories of Mae's wedding last October. To be able to be involved in my best friends' weddings is truly magical to me. Of course, with the happiness of their weddings, I have to admit that I do feel a little sentimental and sad. But only because we've moved on to greater and bigger things in life. I hope that I would take that journey some time in the future too.

Speaking of which, I'm wondering how everyone would react if I do end up with someone of different double R's. I'm 27-years-old and have NEVER had a malay chap interested in me enough to pursue me. Let alone make the first move on. So how??!? Did I sabotage myself intentionally but subconsciously so that no malay guys would be brave enough to get close to me? Sigh... I wished I don't have this internal dilemma. It was so easy for my sisters and girlfriends who knew that they'd only be interested in malay men. But for me, I've always been intrigued/attracted to non-malay men... BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS BRAVE ENOUGH TO APPROACH ME FIRST. Sigh... I probably did this to myself. So am thinking, maybe I should save myself the trouble and just... not settle down... right??

Thing is... I think I... like someone... who is DECIDEDLY and UNDENIABLY of different double R's and even C=citizenship. Hahahahaha... yeah, see how much trouble/complication I could be in? I don't want to jump the gun since nothing has happened between us... nor do I even know for sure that things could happen between us... or is ever going to happen between us... (Sheesh... this is depressing), but in case it does... Wow! I'll need to go on a hiatus to think things through, for sure. This would definitely be HEAVYDUTY.

Sigh... I need help.

Anyways, enough ramblings from me. Here's the newlyweds all smiles and happiness.

Congratulations, Alphatin & Jasper!

Akad Nikah ~ 9th July 2011 ~

Wedding Reception ~ 17th July 2011 ~

Here's a question...

2011-06-24T10:51:00.000+08:00

...how the heck does one go from being "just close friends" to "seeing each other"? hahaha...

For me in particular, this is like an age old question that has never ever been answered. I mean, I could've had a few boyfriends in my life already but because I can't see over the huge bump in front of me, I can't tell what's on the other side or even dare to get past it. It's like going on a rollercoster ride and just when you're at the top point of the ride before the huge rush, you come to equilibrium instead. I have oft times reach this and then go, "Umm... now what?"

So now, I don't want to be there anymore. It gets tiring because of all that you've put in just to get things moving and then the ride is prematurely terminated? Wow... how much more can I take?? The suspense, although not killing me, is driving me IN-sane. I mean, I'm pret-ty sure there's something there but I don't know if it will move forward. GOD, if you're hearing this, please let me not be in the dark for long. Thanks!

Anyways, today's my beloved Mammo's 69th birthday. She gets more radiant and gorgeous with each passing year and am SO SO SO blessed to have her as my Mum. We're 41-years apart but she's a fantastic person to converse with and somehow so open-minded you'd tell her anything and she'd soon enough wrap her mind around it (after the brief initial shock, of course. Haha!).

So Happy Birthday, Mak Dearest. I love you SOOOOOOO much and here's to many, many, many more years to come. May Allah bless you ALWAYS!! <3 <3

Almost to Yes

2011-06-06T12:07:00.000+08:00

Do you ever feel like when you have no real hold on something but feels as if you're about to, and then something is about to happen or happened that makes you lose that hold you're about to have altogether?

I don't know if you understand what I mean.

But it's like you could almost taste it and suddenly it's not there anymore because you suddenly couldn't get it. It could be your own fault for resisting it in the first place, eventhough you secretly want it. It could be because you're afraid to admit you want it. It could also be because you don't know initially that you want it. Or even because you think you don't deserve it or feels surreal about it and so decides to push it away. For whatever the reason may be, it never gets easy losing that thing you never had... especially when you realised all too late that you wanted it all along.

So if it's hard losing something you never had, I wonder what it'd be like to lose something you actually had...

I want to keep up with nonchalance and indifference. I want to keep my guard up to not be overzealous for nothing. I want to know to curb my curiosity, but at the same time I don't want to know for fear of hurt or rejection. How could I keep this up when all I want to do is ask and tell? How do I tell myself, it's okay to put aside the fear and just take the plunge... before it becomes too late again and I lose that thing I never had. I'm not sure... if I can be okay almost in a snap if it happens again. There's just one too many times and I never get used to it eventhough I act as if it doesn't affect me.

So the question on my mind for myself is, "what do I want and what will I do about it?"

"I cannot believe I let you go. Or what I should say is, I should've grabbed you up and never let you go. That's one time I should've broke the rule. Whoever said it's impossible to miss what you never had. Never almost had you."

Do you like me(e)??

2011-05-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't it be easier to just say, "I like you. Do you like me too?"

This is posing to be a problem for me who just prefers communication rather than trying to read hints and body language. Or even trying to decipher catch phrases and its hidden meanings.

Sometimes, I can be daft and obtuse because I cannot, for the love of GOD, know what or when that's being hinted. I just can't. It seems every time I think that's what it means, it turns out all wrong and then I end up feeling like an idiot for having feelings in the first place.

So I've told myself, with these potential conquests, this time around I am not going to be the one falling or crushing first. NOPE, not me. I intend to be the "unsuspecting lucky one" (can I say that?) who happens to have someone who is into me and is pursuing me.

It's not easy for me to be nonchalant because I am so obvious most of the times (except when it comes to work) that it borders on ridiculous! How do I maintain indifference when all I want or feel like doing is talk or have some form of communication or interaction with that person. I hate being so enthusiatic about everything related to the matters of the heart. I get excited about things so fast that I usually end up crashing down. I wish someone would just tell me, "Nope, not yet. He's not into you yet.", "Nope, that wasn't a hint", "Nope, he doesn't like you that way". Argh... Am being dumb.

Thing is, all the while I have to act and behave all wise and mature. But when it comes to this, it's like I'm a child who has not seen the outside world. I'm wondering, maybe I should just be arranged for marriage so that I won't have to seek out "the one" on my own. That way, it's all been set - This is the guy you'll marry, have kids with, argue with and live your life till forever with. But because I'm a walking contradiction, I would be yearning my independence and freedom of thought and action in no time at all. Like for instance, just last weekend, another (younger) cousin of mine got married. And then my youngest aunt suddenly said to me and my mom, "why don't I introduce you to some nice, young, rich man?". My mom heard that and almost jumped to say, "WHY NOT!"

My reaction... "Uhh... ok(?)... If you can." *laugh laugh laugh* In my mind what really was going on was, "REALLY?!? Do I really want to be set up? Which means, if it works I'd be marrying him, right?! GAAHHH..."

And then mom told dad, and he was like, "You sister always says that, but no action!".

I don't know what dad really feels about that. He doesn't voice out THE question to me EVER. The most that he would ask was, "how's your social life?"

Mom on the other hand started out not asking THE question directly. But lately, I've been hearing, "How's your love life?", "Got a boyfriend?", "That guy would be a good match for you".

Then... my eldest sister dropped a bomb over breakfast after the wedding... "Mom wants you to get married next year. She wants a wedding in the house!" - All this, while I was hoovering down the yummy scrumptious chee cheong fun. I downright almost sputtered out my food!!!

Again... in my mind... MARRY?!! ME?!! - It's not that I don't want to get married BUT... a) I have no one yet, b) despite being (ahem) 25 years old, I still feel like am not ready, and c) the piece de resistance... I can't really imagine myself being married right now. I have not been able to envision it and am scared shitless at the thought!!

WHAT THE HELL WOULD I KNOW ABOUT THAT?!

Truth is... maybe am feeling this way because I know my family has a set of criteria as the "right match" for me to marry, i.e. Malay, tall, highly educated, of good and if possible comfortable-to-do family background, stable, matured, good job with good position, religious... all that jazz; all good except... I keep crushing on... guys of different... backgrounds... especially the double Rs (religion and race).

I knoww!! It's like am digging my own grave but what can I do if the only kinds of guys who are brave enough are those of that... situations?? That is why I reckon, maybe I should just be arranged for marriage. The family would get the guy they'd want for me and I'd be forced to be loyal and un-confused.

But life isn't that cut out for me. I have to figure it out and somehow soldier on. I mean, if I'm meant to be with someone... different that expected... I suppose I'd have to face the music. Then again, maybe somewhere down the road I'd meet someone of the same double Rs who is compatible and would accept me as how I am. GOD-willing. Time to whip out the "Do you like mee?" question (a little trick question a friend of mine thought me a while back. Although I have never tested its effectiveness).

While it rains...

2011-05-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Once again am sitting in McDonald's mooching off their free WiFi while pretending to blend in as one of these kids who are supposedly "studying" or doing assignments on their laptops. Yeah, right...

Let me give you a brief overview from where am sitting.

On my right, a bunch of college kids; 2 teenage girls, 1 little girl about 8 y.o, and 3 teenage boys: Now, the boys... one of them is definitely into the girl with the little sister. So, that boy is busy entertaining this little girl while big sister nonchalantly observes this sweet little connection over her laptop, which is decidedly either on facebook page or streaming a video. This boy has his posse with him in a 'I got your back buddy' way trying to waste time talking to each other and eating while their buddy attempts to charm the little girl and her sister - simple rule, charm the sister, get the girl. That teenage girl, of course has a sidekick girlfriend who is there as chaperon maybe. I mean someone's gotta look out for the girls right. The little sister is now acting all cute (she has cuteness factor) to get more of the attention of the boys. In this scene, I'd say the little girl is benefiting the most. I mean, she definitely gets attention from her elder sister AND the boy whose into her sister. Plus, it's McD's so she gets ice cream, the pink coca-cola glass and pretty much ANYTHING she wants.

Next, on my left; 2 dudes supposedly meeting up to study their accounts paper. Looks pretty heavy stuff - ACCA or something like that. Anyways, dude #1 was already here when I first arrived. Had his paper laid out before him but he also had his iPhone there and earphones on. Obviously, paper is set aside and he was watching a flick on his iPhone. Then his friend came - dude #2. They attempt to start studying. But buys a cuppa coffee shortly after. Now we're moving with the studying... in between, get up, buy something, sit down, wait, and then... dude #1 watches more of the movie. So which is it that dude #1 is really doing. What about dude #2? He's apparently just sitting there while dude #1 "studies". Why? Could be they're waiting for a third party - my guess is a girl or maybe 2 - who would finally make them be serious about studying for the paper. Hmm... so much for meeting up to study...

Far left near the wall... decidedly 2 adults, male, and with a laptop. One of them went to buy dinner while the other is talking loudly on his phone about... business I guess. Seems like he's really into closing the deal or whatever... All I can hear is, noise even with my earphones on. Meh! They're probably here to discuss business or work with each other.

And then there's me... An observer and WiFi pirate. Haha... On one corner I feel out of place among college students, and on the other corner, I feel like am being an impostor who isn't quite an adult yet but old enough to be an adult. That's probably what I am. Someone who's just not quite old enough but not exactly very young. Like living a double life; adult with work responsibilities on the weekdays, a kid starting out in life at night and weekends. HAHAHAHA!

Ooh... now the teenage girl with the little sister is acting all cutesy while still pretending to be disinterested in the boy. Hahahaha! Oh to be young...

Hey! Whatchu doin? SNEAKING?!

2011-05-06T23:17:00.000+08:00

I reckon since it's Friday, I should put in a more cheerful entry as opposed to the last one. So whiny... Sheesh!

Disclaimer: Okay, anyone who reads this, please note that am only human. Sometimes I have PMS, sometimes I have bad moods, sometimes I get angry or sad, and sometimes I get happy. Am a ball of human. Am not programmed to always be positive 'kay.

Anyways, moving on from the "stressful" entry... most things are all good. And I have Allah to thank for that. Also the prayers of all my loved ones; family and friends. Yep, I love my friends too, in case you don't know. Hehe. April has finally ended and I have to say it ended with a positive note. My little nephew is out of the hospital; parents are a-okay; siblings doing alright; Phoenix needs servicing but still running; May began with a three-day weekend; bought myself a new gadget which allows me to type out this entry in a little corner in McD; and work, Alhamdulillah... while still nuts at times, remains a good challenge.

Which brings me to the next topic. Just this afternoon, I found out... that I have... a KNOWN stalker. YES! 'You'... 'youuuuuu' who is prolly reading this now. Now that 'you' know... DON'T tell anyone in you-know-where. SHHHHHHH! This 'you' am referring to is a colleague of mine from my current workplace. I have this rule when it comes to my blog. I don't reveal my blog to current colleagues. Even with Whimsical, she only found out about my blog AFTER she resigned. As for the rest of my friends, they are decided NOT my colleagues. But somehow, 'you' managed to stumble upon my little space of zen. So 'you', am serious, not a word to the others. This is just what I do in my free time to let myself write to my heart's content. Thanks very much.

I know what some of you might think, "Why in the world would you have a blog with your photos splashed all over the pages, and not want people you know, know about it? You'd rather strangers to read it?". Well, that's just how I like it. Strangers could read this and be amused, but chances are would never meet me face to face to ridicule or make fun of me. They're free to judge me but they would never know me and they'd be too 'far away' to claim, 'I know her'. But it's different for those who I know but are just not close to me yet. They should know who I am in the flesh through and through before claiming, 'I know her'. True, my blog is one way of knowing me, but this blog is just a representation of me; my thoughts, emotions and ideas. There's more to that where it came from. You might not like me so much in real life, you might like me more in real life. Or you might think reading my writing is better than knowing me in person. But if you want to claim you know me, don't just rely on this blog 'kay.

So, have a great weekend everyone! Am off to Avatar land of dreams. ~Peace, yo~

6 months Down the Road

2011-04-26T12:51:00.001+08:00

As I pass my confirmation date with the current job (the reason why I've passed it is because I haven't had time to sit down with my boss for assessment due to rushing on tonnes of papers), I begin to notice a few quirks of my colleagues:

Where there used to be cooperation, now there is (evidently) a drastic slowdown
Where there used to be "I'll handle it cause it's my job and am a manager", now there is, "You handle it and you're the focal point whether it's within or without your current skill set". (Not even touching on job scope here. More importantly is the skill set coz... it's a MANAGER'S level especially for problem solving)
Where there is, "Let's do this together", there's now more, "I don't know how you do it, but you just have to figure it out yourself. All I know is, my work (i.e. what you're working on) is done" - Uh... wha...??
Where there used to be trying to improve together, now, they just give RAW info and expect me to massage it to make sense.

Now... I know some of these things are actually good, except for number 1 maybe, but it gets challenging at times especially when we know neither head nor tail of the situation but are expected to give output like an expert. And you know what else, sometimes there are people who take for granted that I have all the answers. Like seriously people, where was the memo saying am in charge of everything? I may be considered like a focal point but when it comes to decisions, I report to a higher power. If you've got beef on some of the things requested or want done or decided, take it up with the fella upstairs! Don't shoot the messenger hey.

Oh, and where does it state that I'm everyone's slave?! Seriously! I can't be doing a job for every one of the managers in the department. I have a boss who I report to. I can't just drop everything to do their work for them. Get in line. Argh... today am not in my best disposition, me thinks. It's just off! Hopefully, I'll be better in the afternoon.

It's quite sad that I have to resort to telling my boss, I couldn't get info (which boss requested) from so and so because she/he is busy at the moment. Ugh... lame and stressed! I just have to do what I have to do to get by most of the time... put on my ten cent face. haha! Okay, better stop now. Later!

***********************

<<Edit @ 7.10pm>> Okay, lunch came and gone but am none the better. My mom called at lunchtime and told me the little prince is hospitalise *cries* My baby nephew is sick in the hospital... As soon as I was back in the office after lunch I finished one paper as 'anaesthetic' for my boss and asked her for time off. Had to promise to come back in though. Damn! So I went to see my nephew and my sister. He was fine at first then his fever cam back. Poor little dear. He became clingy after that and could stop shivering *sob sob* I hope he's going to be okay soon. This is the first time any of my sister's children was hospitalised since they were born.

Please Allah, please let nothing bad happen to my family or me. Amin...

Am being such a girl...

2011-04-13T16:01:00.001+08:00

Right this minute, am experiencing yet another bout of women's plight... menstrual cramps. And it's a Royal Bitch!

Am at work, not able to sit still long enough to concentrate on work and I'm getting a headache from just trying to stand the pain. Hang on... am having another contraction...

... sigh... Phew! Yeap, I said 'contraction'. Menstrual cramps happen when the utrine muscles are contracting too hard during period. Hence my usage of the word 'contraction'. Oh... my poor uterus... Seems it's not only when you're giving birth that you'd have contractions.

I'm trying to distract myself but it's proving harder and harder to do, especially as the day wears on. Right now, am just waiting for 5 o'clock. Then, am I going to beg my boss to let me go home early and crawl into bed. Mmm... bed... I need my bed... and my pillows and blanket and hot water bag. That would be pure bliss right about now.

One more hour to go... ugh... must. hang. on.

Merry April, everybody!

2011-04-10T21:35:00.006+08:00

Happy April! Wow... It's April in 2011. Seriously, this reaction will probably be the only constant from me for this blog. "Wow, it's already February!", "Wow, it's already March!", "Wow! It' April!"

I guess I'll never get over that TIME just goes on. Better get a move on on lots of things that I want done. Although honestly, am glad to report that my life seems more interesting and fun these days. Not to mention, busy all the time.

My new job is 6 months in and am due for confirmation any time now. EEP! People say I shouldn't worry but I can't help that little worry bug from creeping in inside of me. Still doing okay with the job eventhough there are times when am overwhelmed. For those times, I have awesome workmates, friends and family that diverts my focus away from stress. Thank goodness for that.

Weight loss, now I seriously doubt that I have lost any weight. BUT friends all around have been observing my shrinkage. I don't know how that happened because God knows I have been eating and eating and eating! Especially with the Princess of Lepaqs, Prince of Lepaqs (my 2 clowns at work) and Alphatin. Whenever we meet up, which is quite regular, all we do is converge at an eating place. Even at work with Prince and Prince OL, the question that is always raised is, 'Where/what do we eat?' - we're always hungry when stressed. With Alphatin, we have PLANS on where and what to eat. PLANS!! Means we have tonnes of food we want to try. It's a good thing we don't see each other everyday. I'd be a walking ball if we did! (or should I be rolling?). If bestie was around, WHOA! As it is, everytime I plan to travel to Perth to see her, a better part of my plans with her is food indulgence.

Digressing, my point was... I've been eating, right, but I've also started to shrink. I've begun swimming regularly again the past month, occassionally go dancing and travelling lots the past few month back and forth KL to Johore. Maybe those are the reasons. Eventhough my weight is still sky high (and am not exagerating), I have gone down 1 or 2 sizes. Princess OL says it's probably that my body is more toned from the swimming and dancing. If it is, well Hallelujah! Coz GOD knows I do not like dieting or exercising!

I've mentioned before that my 'healthy-eating' habits isn't exactly a 'diet' diet. It is merely a correction of what damage ignorance has done to me all my life. So am gonna stick to that. I still love my cakes (recently had a crazy choc cake obsession but has been satiated), ice cream, carbs, and yummy food. Just in moderation (as much as I can coz eating out most of the time, it can be hard to control how food is prepared). Why do I eat out a lot now? Well, my job now clocks in long hours to the point when after work all I want to do is have dinner somewhere nice and comfortable with good company. The long hours makes very little time for shopping of any kind, be it groceries or retail. My food stash has depleted so much that there was a time recently when my parents came to town, and there was NO RICE AT ALL! Mum was so amused. She wondered what I eat. Haha! Yeah, staying by myself also makes me not go grocery shopping much. I better get busy with that again though... Eating out after work is fun but once in a while cooking/eating something within our control would be good too. Eventough eating out means I get to hang out with 'somebody' longer. Haha! (shush-ing up now).

Oh, have I mentioned my computer of 7 years have finally kaput? Yup, after the second time it crashed, I realised it's just time to say goodbye. Am now plannng to hunt for a new computer. Something not too elaborate. Just good enough to go on the internet and do work at home (if necessary). Hopefully soon. I mentioned to bestie that I have tonnes of photos that have not been published and tonnes of stories to blog about, which I'm gradually forgetting to write about too. My REM is refreshed every so often that it creates new memories. Haha!

That's all for now folks! Have a great month and see ya when I blog again. Oh, and don't forget to have fun in the process. Mwuahs!

P/S: for the record, am updating via my mobile phone. Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, right. Cheers!

I Heard a Rumour...

2011-03-08T12:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, so this is the scenario most days at work. I would come in to the office in the mornings, work throughout the day and after closing time, still be in the office but rarely alone. Usually my boss would be around or some of my colleagues from Marketing are around. Normally, we'd (Prince and Princess of Lepaqs, and I) end up going for dinner or walking out of the office for home together. But sometimes, we do have a realisation that we all have a life to live outside of office mates, like spending time with our family and buddies.

So for the 'sometimes', there are times when we'd be super busy and just end up being in the office on our own. Usually the three of us would accompany each other but there times when we'd have to man up and be alone.

This is what happened last night at the office. Prince and Princess had both left the office earlier to do their own seperate things. I was with my boss when they'd left and was just wrapping things up for the day. This was roughly around 7.00pm. Shortly after, my boss said goodnight and I also had every intention to go home soon after. But I suddenly recalled the favour I had to do for my parents - Settle their traffic summons (meh!). So there I was, doing my thing and I decided to call my dad for a quick chat about the payments. While talking to my dad, I heard it... The sound of the tip tapping on a keyboard. Now, as far as I could tell and see, I was ALL ALONE in the office. No one else was around. But this tapping sound was quite prominent as if someone is profusely typing out a document. Since I was on the phone with my dad, I thought, 'Heh! It's prolly just my imagination', and continued to ignore it.

So I did what I had to do, printed the receipt and got to packing my stuff to go home. During this time, I somehow had an instinct which was sorta urging me to get out of the office quickly before something happen. While packing, suddenly I heard the tapping sound again AND this time with the scrolling of a mouse. Imagine this, 'Tap, tap, tap, tap... scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll' - when you're all alone in the office at 8.00pm (not as dramatic as if it was midnight but whatev).

Did I freak out? No... not at that point. I was just telling myself, get going NOW!

AND THEN... (jeng, jeng, jeng!!!)

Remember I said I printed something? My thing had finished processing about 15 minutes, at least. So the machine would have gone to sleep mode by then. But... right at that very moment, suddenly the machine was activated! No rhyme or reason!!! It activated AND it wasn't just the printer, but the scanner lights which were flickering on! As if when we're copying or scanning a doc!! The lights came on and I just stared at the machine from my place, stunned... shocked... FREAKED. I stood there and said, 'O...kay... I don't wanna find out!' and ran outta there as fast as I could.

When I got home, I told my parents (thank GOD my parents came home yesterday) and Buffy and my BIL about the 'incident'. Dad said, "Maybe 'he' was just playing with you. Telling you to go home coz it's 'his' time". Well, I didn't want to find out if 'he' is or not. All I hope for is that 'he' is not malicious. Eep!

This morning, I spread the word to my colleagues and my bosses. Whoa... to the reactions. Since there are more ladies in the office, we've all huddled together to say that we're NOT going to be staying back in the office alone - FOR REALZZ! And only at this point did Prince of Lepaqs said he usually hears that too whenever he's alone in the office at night. GAH!!! So I wasn't imagining at all then. There's something in the air and it's prolly looking over my shoulders RIGHT NOW as I'm typing about 'him'.

To 'you': If you ARE reading this (over my shoulders), please, please, please don't do anything bad to me. I won't bother you, if you don't bother me ya! Please just let me be. And don't do me any favours by showing yourself to me. I'd prefer the anonymity. Thanks!! Peace yo!

Can you Smell the Weekend?

2011-02-25T10:52:00.001+08:00

Today is travelling day! Yup, you guessed it... am going to the South yet again. Hmm... I wonder when I'll be able to head North where I feel more at home. Haha.

Anyways, this week things have been SO annoying at work. Just when I thought the little rapid was calming down, along comes another one. It's like if you put it all together, it would probably tantamount to Niagara Falls (which is sort of what I feel sometimes when I bottle it up to put those crap aside). I BURST!

I have been giving little outbursts here and there, and it's quite possible that pretty soon some of these people will tend to not like me. And lo and behold, it could be that one of them turns into a backstabber. Hmm... maybe that's why I've been feeling this stabbing feeling in between my shoulder blades. Haha! But jokes aside, I'll try to maintain my cool. So far the people I work with are receptive to my... ahem... advances(?) but you just never know when I might have crossed the line somewhere unknowingly. I'll just pray I won't have to face the same kind of shit that I went through in the last years. So boring...

Okay, so on to funner news; I'm going to a wedding party this Saturday (which is tomorrow). So after tiredly making my way back from the South, I'd say I would have about an hour's rest, two, at most, before I need to get to the party venue. My friend's getting married!! I guess she would already be married by the time the party starts coz she's doing the "reception" at a... posh nightclub. Hehe. Yep, unconventional but it's HER wedding anyways.

I'm aiming for that to keep my mood up. :) And don't forget, I have Monday off. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Can you tell I'm excited??

PMS and its Effects at Work

2011-02-23T16:15:00.017+08:00

I think I've almost forgotten what I usually would do when I am stressed. Not that I am not stressed throughout all these times. But I've been managing it alright or more like, didn't have the time to start writing in my blog. My worklife is going by in such a whirlwind and sometimes it just makes me want to go insane and blow up. I was actually quite happy that I managed to have control over it but today... oh today... today I actually had a slight bickering with someone at work.

I think I just came to a point where I couldn't take the bullshit. But at least it wasn't a huge arse deal. Could be I'm going through PMS. haha!

Anyways, after I tried talking to friends at work about my frustrations and also after I tried to do things that are de-stressing (i.e. go for lunch with colleagues), I think I still needed an additional outlet to get myself out of this funk. So imagine how grateful I am that I could express myself here. Yayy!!

I have been travelling up and down from KL to the South quite a bit lately. This month alone I have gone to the South almost every week! This Friday am heading over there again and the travel is taking a huge toll on my body and immune system. Not to mention my tolerance for bullshit. haha! I've been working like an alcoholic... oppss... I mean WORKaholic lately too. Long hours and weekends plus the travelling... WHOA... it was exhillirating but man, oh, man... the exhaustion is tremendous!

Most of the time after the rollercoaster, all I want to do is have some time off. But since January ended until now, it has NOT stopped or slowed down. Oh, not to mention that I still haven't had any "rest" since I began working in October last year except that one time I had severe cramps. So I am totally over the moon when my boss told me that this coming Monday, to end my February 2011, I will be given a day off from work. YAYY!!!

Well, whatever it is am hoping this week...END will be great coz seriously, I don't know how much more crap I could tolerate without a good time to anaesthesise the coming challenges of work.

Don't get me wrong though!! I am happy where I am now. :)

Things that start with 'Happy'

2011-02-07T16:37:00.000+08:00

Whoa... look at the 'cobwebs' in this place! It's been close to THREE months since my last update. Thankfully not a single part of my life has been put on hold except the updating bit. Haha.

So hello again everyone... How have y'all been doin? Happy Christmas; Happy New Year; Happy Birthday to Mae (my bestest friend in the www - Whole Wide World!!); Happy Chinese New Year; and soon-to-be Happy Valentine's Day; and Happy Maulidur Rasul. Hope y'all are fan-freakin-tastic and life is just giving you all the goodness and wholesomeness it has to offer.

This year, 2011, even though has only 'barely' begun (yes, I know... it's already February) has been SO full that I felt like it's MORE than February. I mean time is moving so fast and so sudden that I hardly seem to have any time to breathe! But at the same time, I am living... like really enjoying life. My life has restarted somehow. My job is getting more and more interesting and challenging daily; I feel like I'm that sponge I once was at (ehem) 21 when I had my very first job. I feel energised and renewed that it's liberating. I feel like anything that I put my mind and heart to is possible. It's a world of huge possibilities and for the first time in a long time, I wake up day after day with excitement and exhilaration over what's in store. I have resuscitated the workaholic in me it's RIDICULOUS! And the best part is, I can still laugh and have fun in the process.

I also have made new friends along the way. Good, fun people who make my day-to-day interesting. I'd say they're the finishing touches to the goodness of my new job. Good company. I am grateful for my old friends who love me for who I am, and my family who... well I guess they just HAVE to love me coz I'm their flesh and blood. Haha! But seriously, my heart, right now, is just full of good feeling, which makes up for all and any of, or lack thereof, of boyfriends or lovers. I want to be in this state long, long time, and I want to remember this so that if and when I start to have my down days, I can read back on this and be super grateful. InsyaAllah and AMIN...

Now... I know I have LOADS to update on, especially on past happenings which were really HAPPENING to the max. But time doesn't permit me to right now. The very ONE thing that I just HAVE to update on would be my best friend's wedding back in TEN-TEN-TENNNN!!! (yeah... I wrote about this some time in November - I think - but it's not complete now issit?!). I'll try to put up some pictorial updates on this and hopefully that will be the start of my regular updating again. Whatever it is, I must update BEFORE the next time I travel to Perth, which should be (GOD-willing) in late August or early September. Hehehe...

And if I feel like it, I'll even tell about some 'fellas' that I met who have caught my interest. Haha! At this point my friends would probably say, "There she goes again with the next crush in her plate. When will she ever get a boyfriend?!". If only I was the risk-taking type right, peeps? :p

Okay, so this (ehem) 25 year old lady still needs a bit of growing up to do. But am determined to make my life an adventure every single day. I work hard, I play hard and GOD-willing, pray hard!

Waking Up from a Nightmare

2010-12-15T01:50:00.000+08:00

I had just woken up from a horrible nightmare. And I can't sleep now. Ugh... I hate 'paranormal themed' nightmares. It just creeps me out! Especially when I rarely get them. And I mean truly rarely.

I'd only started having these creepy dreams around last year, right about the time when I started to be on my own. Previously it would just be dreams where I would see something scary and wake up in a fright. But starting last year, the dreams were quite 'real', as in I could 'feel' it. Like being crushed under a heavy weight or touched/grazed by 'it'. Don't ask me what 'it' is...

Tonight is one such dream and it was stressing me in my sleep. I woke up wanting scream for my mom! But I also forced my mouth to move and sound up with 'Astaghfirullahalazim' and continued on to read the Qursi verses. It was that state of atrophy which makes it so hard to get my mouth to move and my limbs to function. For a moment, I couldn't remember where I was! But I woke up eventually, Alhamdulillah, and forced my eyes open, I guess also to face 'whatever' that was there. Only God knows where that bravery came from.

Then to make myself feel better, I read the Yaseen. This is one of the moments that am grateful for technological advancement. I had downloaded the Quran App in my phone and could read the verses in my current state, i.e. under the duvet. Now am just trying to lull myself back to sleep but I needed a distraction. I hope my journey to lala land after this would be a sweeter one. I'm just glad I have Allah the Almighty and His Angels looking after me in my state of slumber and wakefulness.

Pleasant dreams to all...

FCUK yesterday

2010-12-10T11:48:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at work was the first worst day I've had in my new work place. I think there's more to come. There's still no solution to the problem so I'm going to need to talk to the boss about it come Monday. I just need to.

You know that game where you fuck people by pointing accusatory fingers at them? Well I'm on the fucked end. I can hardly believe that after only a month and a half this game is already played out on me. Seriously, what the fuck? And these are people who have never even laid eyes on me, much less spoken to me on the phone. I guess it's easier to blame others who are faceless, ey? I don't know.

For the record, this is one game I have never ever fancied and will never ever want to bestow on others. It's too juvenile but sadly, it's a game that's much loved by grown ups who are careerists. And not just any grown ups, OLD grown ups with authority too. Shameless buggers, I'd say.

Yes, people, this is quite a dark entry for me. And quite open too. A tune unlike my chirpy, jovial-ish entries before. But I reckon, this is just me writing on an isolated occassion mode. I don't want these types of entries to marr my positivity. Although am sure everyone has their moments and this is just mine.

It was a good thing that I had other stuff to distract me yesterday rather than making me constantly stuck on the fucking idiocy of the situation. I had better things to do and better people to surround myself with, thank you very much.

So thanks to those who made yesterday okay with their cheerios; The Prince of Lepaqs and Alphatin who came over with pizzas.

A miracle occured today!

2010-12-06T16:30:00.000+08:00

I have come to terms with lost memories of happy occurances in my life for a while now, especially when my laptop of 7 years crashed one fine day, erasing just about EVERYTHING in it's memory bank. Thankfully, I managed to salvage some data that were saved in the C drive after sending my computer for repair is ComDoc. Otherwise, I lost it all - my photos from my trip to Perth in 2008, photos of friend's weddings, birthdays, Uni days, my MUSIC! Gosh... it was heartbreaking.

But for some reason, I told myself it was a blessing in disguise so that I won't be forever mulled by the past and to start making new memories. That was when I bought an external hardisk that's big enough to store all my crap in. I mean come on, pendrives are just TOO small at times and not to mention that it sometimes goes totally bonkers after a while.

After that was invested, I started transferring just about everything I had into my external hardisk and was oh so happy to have ample space to muck around with. My work could be dumped in there and my personal life also has a spot in there.

So for a few months, I was over the moon. I helped Buffy with her wedding plans and reacquiring playlists, etc. all using my trusty external hardisk.

Or so I thought...

Then, one day some time this year as I was busy busying myself at work, I decided to browse through my photos. At the point I had some good things happening outside of work that just makes me want visual reminiscence whenever I was down at work. All of a sudden the words "Folder is empty" popped up. And this is a folder which I open daily! Now where the heck did the contents go?! I was pretty sure I didn't click "delete".

I was in tears by the end of the hour. I couldn't believe my eyes and no matter how many time I unplugged and replugged it back it, it still would show "Folder is empty". It really WAS empty. Like poof, and it was gone. Just GONE!

Oh, the heartache. My all the good things that happened throughout the past year... vanished into thin air! I even asked Alphatin and Jasper to check it out for me and even they couldn't figure it out. It truly was mind boggling. Yet again, I had to rebuild my memories. I still had some photos that were in my camera which I saved in a different folder but I lost quite substantially nonetheless.

But today... something happened. The photos in that "empty" folder reappeared! I could've easily whooped for joy had I not been in the office when I discovered it. WAHOOOO!!!!

Look, look, look!! =>>

A Happy Grown Up, I am!

2010-11-24T17:22:00.002+08:00

It's my birthday!!! Hahaha. Talk about self-love, right?

Anyways, for yet another year I am spending my birthday working my arse off because I couldn't get time off of work. And it was a good day until the powerpoint file I was editing decided to make my life a living hell. Thanks for sending me a corrupted file to start with operations office! Sheesh.

So much drama there because I truly was enjoying my day today.

Whoawell, it's now no longer in my court because I've sent the editted file to them to do whatever they want. See... that's probably why I should have just gone to the operations office this week instead of staying behind. At least there'd be a win-win situation created. They'd get the 'problem' with the slides fixed there and then AND I'd get my date with my eye-candy. Hahaha!

Okay, since it's almost 5pm now, which marks the END OF THE OFFICIAL WORK DAY, I think I'm going to decide that today is a GREAT day despite the tech drama. I'd say more than 70% of it was a great day at work. I honestly could not stop being happy because there's just positivity all around.

Managed to catch a few goss with Alphatin and Makbed dearie after what seems like aeons! And we discussed my eye-candy. Wahoo!! So I decided to grab the bull by the balls and make the move that I was so chicken shit about - CALL HIM! Muahahaha. That's what I did and I have to say, it was the best thing I did for myself today because it has been rewarding ever since. :)

Did I mention that Alphatin gave me a birthday dinner last night? SO MUCH FUN and I also had cake and a chorus of birthday singers. YAYY!! Am lucky or what...

Me and my cake! :D

Making faces

Magnifying our making faces session. Haha!

Plus, not to mention the ABUNDANCE of birthday wishes from my friends and family. Even though my birthday this year falls right smack in the middle of the work week, I am transported to my birthday weekend fantasy thanks to all my lovely people. Even food boy (who btw, I have decided to shelf again) sent some well wishes via FB. Well, most of the birthday wish are from FB anyways. Sigh... Happy! *beams*

A lovely birthday card from my parents <3

Hope everyone had as much a great day as I have. *Muahs & hugs*

Eve of My __th Birthday!

2010-11-23T12:52:00.001+08:00

This is totally odd... I can't go to blog pages but I can upload entries while at work? Heh!

Anyways...

Yes, HELLOOOO again my peeps. It is I back from the... hmm... back from... not having time to update(?)

I have to say that my time these days are just fully occupied with my new job. It has been a whole month now and on the eve of my 25th Birthday (I am sticking to that age for as long as I can), I decided to take some time out of my busy schedule at work (muahaha!) to update you on what's happening with life in general.

Firstly, Alhamdulillah and thanks to Allah Almighty for truly blessing me with all the goodness of life. I have a loving family, great friends, a blossoming career and honestly, I could not be more greatful than to have all these things. At times I feel bad that I haven't been giving more of my time to Him so now I need to properly plan out my time to ensure that He is not neglected. He definitely knows that I have Him in my thoughts ALL THE TIME! InsyaAllah.

Secondly, can you all believe that it's already nearing the end of November and before you know it, we'll all be faced with 2011. I wonder what it has in store for all of us ey? Maybe, for me it would include some romance in my life. That's what I would hope for. :) In any case, only the best for all of us is what I would wish for.

Next, well... I am enjoying my time at work in all it's busy-ness and I am so happy that I've met some fun-loving people too. I still get along well with my boss and I just hope that I would give her my best performance all the time. It's high time that I focus on a fulfilling career and make the most out of all this!

Now, about the 'fun-loving' part of my job, I've met some really nice people and one fella in particular who is SUCH a sweetheart. And before you all jump to conclusions, no... we are not dating! But we have exchanged numbers and last night, he called. *cheeky grin*

Tonight, am going for din din with Alphatin and she'll get the 411 first. Sometimes I have to ask this of myself, why DO I keep disecting every single thing, EVERY SINGLE TIME?! But then for me, if I don't then where's the fun. Hahaha! Don't mind me. I'm just being crazy now.

Okay, I am running out of things to update because my mind is muddled with this crazy high. So I'm just going to sign off now until I get more inspiration to update. Hehehe!

*bounce, bounce, bounce*

Random: missing my Makbed! *muacks*

Sitting Up In My Room

2010-11-08T22:12:00.001+08:00

I'm hanging out in my hotel room watching 'The Women' for the upteenth time. Yep, I don't really get tired of that movie. It's madness but it's kinda fun too.

Oh yes, IN MY HOTEL ROOM. haha! As if that's a huge ass deal, ey? :p

But anyways, part of the deal for my new job is to travel to Johor every so often. This trip makes it the third time in less than a month but it's swell and an adventure. Maybe I'm just mystified by it all still but this is a nice 'honeymoon' period for me at work. I do hope the good feeling won't dissipate for a while. I'm especially glad that I go to work and am able to come home feeling like I've done my job well. It's a self-gratification that I haven't felt in a long while... :)

Now... in case u haven't notice, that ticker up there *points up* is not moving. Yep, am referig to my weight loss project. Since Perth and my new job (I wonder how long I could say this 'new job'), I have been staying far, far away from my green digital weighing machine. Why? Because I know that I probably have gained some weight especially since I have neither been exercising nor have I been really disciplined with my food. Forget about trying to eat salads/veges, I've not even gone grocery shopping! (O_o)

Well, part of the reason is actually moolah. Haha! It's a complicated situation but bottom line is, I've had to survive on practically no source of income until I get my paycheck from my new job. But ALLAH is my saviour because just when I thought I'd have to borrow money from Buffy or my parents, I got my pay for the 9 days of October in my bank. Wahoo!! Soooooo, I'm determined to go do my grocery shopping this weekend and GET BACK ON TRACK.

Other things to get back on track would include; having more family time, updating my blog, catching up with my peeps (yes, you!), planning my future, and prolly analyse what the hell is happening (or not happening) between food boy and I (sigh).

I think I've written quite a lot for this update and am sorry it's just full of word vomit but I'm updating via mobile so... no photos! I'll try do better next time. :D

Ciao peeps! *muahs*

Touching base...

2010-11-07T16:28:00.000+08:00

WHOAMAGAWD... I can't even remember the last time I put up an update. Am so sorry...! *hangs head in shame*

I just haven't had the time and frankly, I STILL haven't the time. So am just gonna write a short 'touch-base' update to let y'all know that I am alive and kicking and TOTALLY swamped.

My October was fan-freakin-tastic. And I'm hoping that November will be just as stellar all the way leading up to New Year's 2011. I will give a blow-by-blow account of the happenings in October, starting with my trip to Perth (So.Much.Fun), Mae's wonderful wedding (I caught the bouquet!), my homecoming to Malaysia, Paramore concert (yeah-haa!), first days of work up till... the point where I would actually START writing these updates. Haha! And to make it more interesting, I'd even post up some photos of the events. WEEEeee!

Btw, my new job is going great. Lots to do, so am busy, busy, busy just like how I've always liked it - No time to get bored! Oh, and my mantra from now on would be to 'Work Hard, Play Hard'. Am flying off to Johor for work tomorrow for the next three days and I am SO thankful for my eldest sister for taking the trouble to house me and to send me off to the airport tomorrow morning at the break of dawn.

Okay, better get off the internet now to be with my little rascals. :) Till the near future!! Ta.

Went for the KILL!

2010-09-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

I'm ready to tell...

On the 3rd of September, about a week before Eid, I got the call I was waiting for for the past month. August was just a whole lot of question marks and guessing games about the job offer. But it finally came... Incidentally, I had another episode of bad migraines that day and it sure didn't help that it was in the middle of Ramadhan. So I got home with my MC slip and broke my fast and shortly after, my phone rang. OH JOY!!

So it began, my process... I went for my medical checkup all too quietly and waited excrutiatingly long for the results to come out about a week and a half after. WHOABOY! The company am going in checked up on me to make sure that the results are in. So when Monday, 20th September arrived (the clinic conveniently told me that the results would be ready then), I moved in for the kill. POW!

By 4.30pm that day, I was officially an outgoing employee. My boss tried the 'what if I counter-offer you' speech, the 'One of my biggest worries has come true', the 'I had plans for you... but I don't dare to promise anything', and the 'I'm losing one of my best people' speech. But I was unswayed. NO WAY, JOSE! When I make a decision to leave, I'll leave with conviction and I wouldn't turn back.

And you know what the best part is? I managed to beat the system. After carefully examining my contract with the company, I realised, I HAVE NO CONTRACT with the company. When they conveniently transferred me out to this hell hole from the shit hole, they made a boo boo by not giving me a brand new contract. So, I am only serving a month's notice off of my original contract, as opposed to the usual three. AND since I'm taking 2 weeks off for Perth PLUS I still have a few more days leave left as balance, I only have less than 2 weeks of worktime left. *woot woot*

It's a good thing that I have an interest in law and have studied a little of law before this, or else I would have totally missed that bit when I looked at my contract. It stands even in the courts and no fool here can touch me. WAHOOOO!!!!

ALHAMDULILLAH... THANK YOU ALLAH for giving me this 'REZEKI' to shift to another outfit. I LOVE YOU, ALLAH S.W.T!!

CANCELLED?! MY FLIGHT?!!!

2010-09-22T09:11:00.003+08:00

Whoa man... I just got an email from the 'great no frills airline' that my scheduled flight to Perth has been CANCELLED! URGH!!! Apparently it's because there is a "delay in the delivery of a brand new AirAsia X aircraft". WTF?!

Now they've given me some options:

want to move to the closest flights to your original flight as follows:
-          D72714 on [Friday, [1st October 2010], departing at 2350hrs, arriving in Perth at 0525hrs the next day; or
-          D72714 on [Saturday, [2nd October 2010], departing at 2350hrs, arriving in Perth at 0525hrs the next day
-        wish to move to any of our other Kuala Lumpur - Perth flights of your choice;
-          wish to cancel your ticket and request for a refund;

Haiyaa... I have to make a decision and I'm taking option 2. Option 1 is highly tempting but then my parents, especially Bapak, is hoping that I will be around to go to his good friend's daughter's wedding that day. Now that the flight is 'delayed', we won't have to stress about getting to the LCCT so much anymore. So now, I have to reply back to the airline, quote my flight booking number and tell them to ~~shove it up their arse~~ change my ticket accordingly. I figured, since the original plan was to reach Perth on Saturday night at 10pm, I'd still miss the activities of Perth that day and start my trip proper on the Sunday anyways. I'll make do. I better let Bernie and Mae know about this. And Mark too!

No stress, no stress. No need to stress, no more... :D

An update is an update is an update

2010-09-20T09:57:00.002+08:00

Wow, I never knew that there are people who actually visit my blog!

Okay, now I feel more motivated to update my blog more often. At least if the people do stumble upon my blog they wouldn't have to read the same bloody entry that's stagnant in the first page. Ahaha!

Things to update:

- (Gosh, it's already the 20th of September) Am going off to Perth in about 12 days! Eeep!!! And I still have oodles to prepare. Panic mode: (partially) ON. Further to this, bestie's wedding will happen in 20 days. WHOAMAGAWD! Nervous-excited-nervous; and I don't even know why I need to be nervous when I'm not even the bride. (O_o)

- Weight loss; it's STAGNANT! And with the Eid season going on and the ongoing food consumption, OH GOD I hope I don't put on any weight. I'm fasting today to replace that one day I missed during Ramadhan and I am determined to catch up on my exercising tonight after breaking fast. I need to get back to tangent STAT!

- Work; Oooh! Have I got news. But I'll edit ***this section*** when 'it' is done. MUAHAHA!!!

(Edit; 23rd Sept 2010 @ 11.15am) Sooooo... 'It' is done. Actually it's been done since Monday when I posted this entry but as usual never got around to updating unless I have inspiration to. And guess what, I am inspired!

What is it that is done? Well, I should prolly sing 'Oops I Did it Again' but this time with FEELING. I have tendered my resignation from this hell hole. MWUAHAHAHAAA!!! <==Want to know more? Click==>

- Health; So far so good. And I'm looking at certain ways to curb and soothe migraines naturally. Found some interesting yoga moves that is supposed to help with relieving migraines. Have yet to try it out but am going to give it a shot the next time I have one. Also found another that tackles migraines using LOA and some acu-pressure points in the body. I hope it works. I'm trying to cut down on the drugs to relieve the pains.

- Life; it's good and not so good. Been having some pretty sensitive, tensed moments since Eid and I'm still trying to get a grip on it. It's usually with regards to the family front. *sigh* The things you'd do for the ones you love. I'm exhausted of it but am trying to put a focus in my life to deviate from the tension it gives.

- Friends; I love them and grateful for them still. Thanks peeps!

- And to my *ahem* 'readers'; if you're really out there, or even if you had just accidentally stumbled into my blog, leave me a comment. I'd love to see where you people are from. Cheers mate!

I hope You Don't Mind that I Put down in Words...

2010-09-08T12:54:00.003+08:00

... How wonderful life is, when you're in the world... (Sorry, can't help but finish the line with a song. Hehehehe!).

It's 2 days before Eid and I am at a crossroad between being excited about it and being totally unprepared for it. But as the hours tick on by, I'd say am leaning heavier towards being excited. The thought of the moment when I get to scoot out of the office and straight into Phoenix for Hippo.. OOH! It gives me chills. :D

By the way, this is Phoenix, my new companion:

Ain't he gorgeous?

Doc's arriving from UK this evening and Buffy, BIL and her are travelling straight for Hippo leaving little ol' me behind. Well, I don't blame them. I brought it all to myself by insisting that I don't take any additional leave for Eid. Must save whatever leave left for Perth trip in October!

HAZAAa.. speaking of which, I am getting SUPER excited (I seem to be excited about everything lately. Ahahaha!). Anyways, my colleague gave a lovely suggestion 2 weeks ago that I should consider wearing a Nyonya Kebaya for Mae's wedding. Until that point I was quite adamant to look for a long grey dress (proving not so easy to find) to fit my role as 'Maid of Honor' on her big day. But when the suggestion popped up, I was quite taken by it. HOWEVER, the OK must come from the Bride-to-be. Luckily, when I ran the idea by Mae, she was in total agreement with it. And there it was, I was faced with a mission to look for either a ready made Kebaya or for materials to MAKE the Kebaya. The search was FULL on. Scouring the usual spots that my parents frequent to buy cloth, I was mentally and emotionally preparing myself for the high cost of materials and workmanship. But before I purchased them, I also told Alphatin about the idea. That was when she suggested we make our way to Jalan TAR.

Stepping into Jln TAR just last weekend, which is famous for wedding materials, cloth, ready made traditional outfits, Telekung (prayer suits), carpets, etc, etc, is an Once-In-A-Blue-Moon experience for me. So imagine my awe in seeing all these folks doing their last minute shopping for Eid! And I can tell why it's so packed and famous; everything is at a fraction of the cost in normal boutiques!

Alphatin, her sister (Along) and her mum making their purchase

Just SOME of the things you can get there. Traditional wedding accesories!

Alphatin & Along resting in between walking around.

So we went into Gulati's (one of the bigger cloth stores on Jln TAR) and I just could not believe my luck. Almost from the first moment I saw the materials, I was sold. I may have paid a little bit more than if I were to buy in Binwani's BUT in Gulati's I get a FULL suit and extra lace for the price of the materials to make JUST the top with Binwani's cloth. I'd say I got the better deal in the end.

The one's that didn't make the cut in Binwani's

The winning choice and a Batik sarong with GREY prints I found at the flee market. :D

I was so happy to have bought the materials that shortly after sending Alphatin home, I immediately made my way to the Tailor's just so I can send it off and it get it made as soon as possible. ETA: End of September and I can't wait to see how it turns out. Ngee!! And what's more fun is that Alphatin has found some choice inspirations for HER upcoming wedding with Jasper. WAHOOoo!! Yes, that's set for this December. :D

Okay, time for a little recap... these are some fantastic buka puasa sessions I've had this Ramadhan:

Hosting a Bday buka puasa with friends for Rocku's bday

Going off to Lumut to see darling Makbed and family

Breaking fast with colleagues in Istana Bambu

*Merdeka buka puasa celebration - haven't taken the photos from Cikinot's FB. :p

Annual break fast with Nasstacia & Pinkstar in Chilis.

Met Pinkstar twice for break fast this Ramadhan but the first one didn't have any photos. Meh!

Break fast with Christmas and Little Boy and friends in Delicious

*And countless break fasting meals in K Long's house.
By the way, TODAY'S HER BIRTHDAY!!!!

40 years YOUNG and becoming more and more gorgeous each day. WAHOOOOOO!!!

K Long and I during Buffy's wedding almost a year ago.

And then we found out Paramore's coming to KL. So yesterday, we bought...

I love tickets, don't you??

Alphatin's Brand New Eyes. Ngee!

Oh JOY, oh RAPTURE! :D

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI

MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN!!

p/s: I have more news but I'll save some for the next entry. Ngee...!

What happened to August?!

2010-09-03T10:26:00.007+08:00

OMG peeps!! It's already SEPTEMBER 3rd! Should I be freaking out? Bestie's wedding is about a month away and I still need to do a few things to prepare for the trip to windy Perth...

- ~~Get travelling visa~~
- ~~Find a dress as MOH~~ - It's now in the making. Sent the materials to the Tailor
- ~~Find shoes~~ (maybe)
- ~~RSVP the wedding!!!~~ - Apparently I missed the deadline but I emailed the bride. Ngee! Sorry babe.. :P
- ~~Officially apply for my leave~~ (verbally got the consent so am not too worried about this)
- ~~Print out my e-ticket~~
- Mental & physical preparation for the trip on a no-frills flight
- Finalise 'Hen Party' plan
- Change currencies (GAAHHH!)
- PACK!
- ~~Get SUPER DUPER excited~~ - an understatement, for sure!
- Try to lose a little bit more weight (although it may have plateaued for the time being)
- ~~Clear up any pending work/handover work~~ - Handover EVERYTHING as I'm saying sayonara for good! Muahaha.
- Plan what I want to do while in Perth. Will be there for TWO WEEKS, yo! WAHOO!
- PRAY THAT ALL GOES WELL!

Thing is, this month will be just as crazy mad packed and busy like July and August. Next week is Eid, and to tell you honestly... I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THAT EITHER! This weekend, I will commit to GETTING things for both Eid and Mae's wedding, by hook or by crook.

And then this month is also Cikinot's birthday and we will be doing something to celebrate that. And then an ex-schoolmate's wedding which I'm seriously considering to go because she took the trouble actually sending the invitation card to me. And then with work there's madness abrewing because of appraisal time (I'm feeling a strong urge to run around like a headless chook right about now). And then I am pretty sure that Alphatin will have an engagement ceremony with Jasper some time this month too. And then there's family things as well to balance up. And then before long, I'll be flying off to Perth. YAHOOOOO!!!!

GOD, please let me have enough time and strength to do all this and keep my sanity at the same time. Amin... :D

Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

2010-08-30T11:59:00.002+08:00

On the 27th of August 2010, I said farely-well to my companion, my partner-in-crime of 5 years... Pasquel.

He was bold, strong, tough and could withstand almost all concrete challenges that were faced. Everyday, I spend hours with him pouring my heart and soul, and serenading him with my singing. He'd seen me cry, he'd seen me laugh, he'd seen the worst in me and the best in me, through hard times and good. But after all that, slowly he began to age. Gradually slowing down and seemingly unable to keep up with me. Maintaining his needs eventually became burdensome at times. Nourishing him and revitalising him proved taxing and straining our relationship as well.

Then my eyes began to stray. Another came into view and seduced me with his sleek curves, his efficacies, his prowess, and his tenacity. Every moment alone with him was temptation beyond imagination. When I'm alone with merely my thoughts of him, I am tempted to drop everything for him. I was willing to throw caution to the wind, to make a hasty decision. I was willing to let Pasquel go, yet unwilling at the same time. I was torn between seduction and loyalty...

Finally, an offer was made that I just couldn't refuse, which pushed me to make my final decision. It took me a while but I could see that the longer I delay, the more unfair I would be to Pasquel, especially in his effort to satisfy my needs. So, before wear and tear would break him further, I decided what's best for him and for me. It's time to let go and move on.

The separation was amicable. I talked to him about it, convincing him and myself at the same time that it was the best decision for us both. Slowly, I took out my belongings away from him. Slowly, the spaces between us grew became wider. Slowly, we let go of one another to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. But not before a last weekend rendezvous together enjoying the coastal view of Lumut. It was bittersweet but we were adamant to make it an unforgettable experience.

The work week after the weekend was spent walking on egg shells around each other. Careful not to do anything to hurt him and bringing him around to see family who have known him for their final goodbye to him. Before long, the weekend approaches. And so it went, my final journey with him where he would drop me off into the embrace of my new companion.

Goodbye Pasquel.. Thank you for keeping me safe and protected these past 5 years. You will be missed ever so much...

In Kedah - even cats love being near him

In Lumut at night

The day you went away...

A memory of Us... <3

Pasquel
27th March 2005 ~ 27th August 2010

Apple Crumble-challenged

2010-08-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

Makbed gave me this link for an Apple Crumble recipe. You might notice that whenever I do bake my 'specialty' is Apple Crumbelito. Why? Simply coz it's the easiest, least messiest and least confusing dessert recipe I've ever encountered. Seriously, some of my friends and family think it's hard, but it really is not. I am sure that if any of you were to take a look at how I do it, you'd be able to make your own personalised Apple Crumbelito in an instant.

But this apple crumble recipe is unique. It takes an additional step of cooking the apples together with the butter and cinnamon and sugar. Oooh... I can just imagine the richness! And the crumble, it looks more oaty than the 'bread-crumby' type that I always make. I sense an Apple Crumble challenge is afoot! So, since I'm feeling inspired, mm.. I wonder when I can hijack my mum's oven to bake this morsel? We'll see how my level of 'chiwi-ness' is when am in Hippo this weekend. :D

On to the recipe.. (Actually I'll just put the link here). Nyahahahaha!!!!

I Love it When...

2010-08-25T15:50:00.001+08:00

...I have plenty of good things to look forward to. Seriously, I'm beginning to think that 2010 is not too bad a year. There were times in the beginning of the year when I thought, 'Oh damn, is this going to be another 2007?', but as time goes by and thanks to some fabulous people, my year is going on FABULOUSLY!

By end of this year, I am pretty sure that when I do my recap of the year entry it will be filled to the brim with goodness, happiness, and laughter. So much so that I could put aside the rainy days for forget. :D

August began with the coming of Ramadhan and since it began there was never a boring moment in my life. Let's not go to the topic of work because that's always a damper anyways. But now am not dreading my days at work as much since I have Makbed and Alphatin as company. We're 'there' for each other even when there's nothing in particular to talk about and it's just great to 'go to work' with your buddies. Am I blessed or what?? And since the first weekend of Ramadhan, I've done things that are just good, good, good. Went home to Hippo for my parents' moreh during the first weekend. Then off to Makbed's during the second weekend. Now we're approaching the third weekend and again am heading home to Hippo. This time, to get my new baby! Yayyy.

Next week also promises good times. My Twi-hearts and I are planning to have a Ramadhan/Merdeka Gathering in KLCC park; break fasting together and then going for Tarawikh together in the nearby mosque. It's gonna be a stellar night for sure. Who are my Twi-hearts you ask? Well, you probably know some of them already but here's the complete list:

ALPHATIN

JASPER

CIKINOT

ROCKU

MAKBED

BELLA

Yeap, these are the faces of those usual suspects! So now when I say Twi-hearts there is no doubt who they are anymore. Later on, I'll put photos of more of my good fabulous people who make life good. Now am just featuring these lot. Taa!

The Good in Life...

2010-08-24T11:10:00.000+08:00

For the record, THESE are so good...

Pinkstar's homemade cornflakes cookies!

She gave me a taste of the ones she made one weekend. The cookies reminds me of the ones Subway sold in Perth. I miss yummy cookies!! Thanks babe.

Okay, back to the situation at hand. It's Tuesday, 24th August 2010. The trip to Lumut to see darling MAKBED and her family has passed with flying colours! Unfortunately, Cikinot couldn't join us at the last minute because of the flu. So it was just Alphatin, Jasper and I on the trip.

I'm not really up to writing much coz I have a migraine now. So I'll let the photos do most of the 'talking'...

Pengkalan Tentera Laut DiRaja Malaysia Lumut

Introducing Auni Alwani a.k.a. Oni-Chan!!

THE FOOD!

Makbed

Alphatin and her Iced Lemon Tea

The celebratory cake - Chocolate Indulgence...

The celebratory CUPcakes. :D

Makbed, Oni-Chan & Inchi Kichi

My Twi-Hearts <3

Makbed is feeling nostalgic by the light pole. Muahahaha!

Going home... can you see we were half-hearted?

But after that we got lost and that's a whole different story altogether. :P

<3 Alice Alphatin & Jasper Khalis <3

The Rocku & Blackrose's Day!

2010-08-20T11:51:00.000+08:00

WAHOOO! Today, 20th August, is Makbed's birthday. Yep, you remember her... the one with the BIG BROWN EYES who stays in Lumut. She is officially 27 today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAKBED!!!

(This photo is when she was 26 years, 11 months, 29 days old. Hehehehe!)

But as I said many times before, 27 is the new 25. I personally choose 25 as the age threshold to be in for a number of years. A lady hardly ever reveals her true age. Muahahaha!! Today is also her 2nd wedding anniversary so CONGRATULATIONS, to Makbed & hubby bubby!

The more exciting thing about this is we're going over to Lumut TODAY! We will be setting everything in motion right after work and seriously, Alphatin and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HER!!!! Miss her to bits even though we 'talk' to each other everyday while at work. :D

And yesterday was also a great day to celebrate because it was ROCKUSAN'S BIRTHDAY!!! Rocku is Alphatin's baby brother and I have oft times 'borrowed' him as a little brother (since I have no younger siblings). Ngeee!! This is what we did for him on his birthday...

Hard at work - as if! ahahahaha...

Alphatin & mine's apple crumbelito (as Makbed puts it)

Rockusan's Birthday Apple Crumbelito :D

Here's the 'cake'

Making a wish... (eksyen je tu)

BWAHAHAHAHA!

YUMMMmmm!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROCKUSAN!!

(Apple Crumbelito with U scream, I scream, WE scream for ICE CREAM!)

P/S: Don't worry Makbed, we have one made just for you. ;-)

In the August Pipeline

2010-08-17T10:19:00.000+08:00

Waaaa! It's already the middle of August. Where have the time gone?! It was only the previous entry that it was beginning of the month. Suddenly, we're faced with 17th August. Gaaah!!

But then, when I see 17th August, I know what it means too. It means there's only THREE days before we head out to Lumut to see our dear friend Liza J (glamour name Makbed). Miahahahaha!!! By the way, in case you didn't catch on 'we' here refers to Alphatin, Jasper, Cikinot and moi. :D

So anyways, life has not been without dramas. There is simply A LOT that has unravelled especially in the Alphatin and Jasper episode. All I could say is, whatever it is they have mine and Makbed's support. They have decided to... TIE THE KNOT!!!! Dum, dum, da-daaa (wedding march theme). And it comes with a whole baggage of drama for the two of them. HOWEVER, the determination is there and I'm confident they will get through all the havoc created by others. So ALL THE BEST TO THEM! More updates on the upcoming nuptials. Ngeee! :D

Next, ahaa! Remember the thing that I'm counting down to? Remember when I went all out for my little weight loss project. I think it's time. It's TIME to reveal...

A little something came in the mail from Australia. And it contains...

A wedding invitation! My bestie's getting married!!!!! *woot woot*

Now, if Alphatin marries by December this year (Insyaallah), TWO of my besties will be tying the knot and starting a new life. Wahooooo!!!!!!

Another thing that is in the pipeline for little ol' me is...

I'm taking the plunge to upgrade my ride. *Woot woot*

This has been going on for a while now but until recently I was never really serious about it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my car. To bits! But I think it's time that I get going with my self-fulfilling prophecy and get a better, more economical and efficient, more reliable, Japanese car rather than putting on the pressure on my poor local car... :(

Now, I even have a date that I will get my 'new' car - 28th August 2010. Looks like my family and I will get a chance to celebrate Eid in a NEW car. Wahooo!!!!

Aside from that, Ramadhan is going smooth so far. I pray it goes the same for everyone too. Have a great one!!

Knowing myself more

2010-08-11T10:29:00.000+08:00

I have something on my mind which needs to be let out. Okay, generally I would say am a happy person (sheesh this is sounding so familiar). And a lot of people can see me in two ways:

1. A Happy-Go-Lucky joker who makes people all around her laugh out loud with her boisterousness and loudness and silly quips.
2. A serious no nonsense, 'What the hell d'ya want from me?' person who is cold, arrogant and unapproachable.

Now, the thing is I would say that 80 percent of the time I am person number 1. Especially when I am around people - friends, family, that sort. Those who know me can vouch for that. Or those who have seen me at my most relaxed state would say that too.

But there is still a part of me, especially when I get lost in thought or alone that I would be person number 2. This is when I become deep. I hold serious discussions and insights that are almost Dr. Phil-like. It's sometimes scary when I'm like this because this is the face I put on when I am at my workplace or when I deal with somewhat serious situations.

And there are times when I am in state number 2 that I delve deep into my emotions. My sensitive side goes off the charts and I would retreat back into a self-hiatus to gather myself.

This is the part which I am trying to suppress (?). Well, maybe just balance it out so that I don't become a person who I generally would be annoyed with. It's good to be all fun and light but from time to time being serious also plays an important role. The thing is, I am wondering which is really the real me. Am I predominantly person number 1 or am I person number 2??

I recently had a chat with my friends on this. I wanted to find out what is it about me that makes not approachable especially romantically. I can be friends with guys but for some reason we could never move forward to new grounds. Perhaps it's because there's no attraction. But not on my part for sure. I have on several occassions been attracted to my guy friends but they're not into me that way. So, what is a girl to do but to put away her feelings and move on with being nonchalant about it, right?

This is the interesting bit, my friends and my cousin revealed to me that I can be a little uptight. Like I don't let lose enough when I'm around guys. And when I do become myself, I am not dainty. I automatically switch to being one of the guys rather than being a girly girl. Laughing out loud without a care in the world (which I love to do because I don't believe in doing things in a surpressed manner), and generally being loud and boisterous. That is me, being me. So how? When I'm myself, I scare them away. When I act coy, they think I'm flipping them off or arrogant.

Then, Jasper told me that while I am interesting to talk to, I also can go off thinking too much and analysing every single thing. Now I have to train myself to take things for good to avoid from thinking too far ahead. Owh, the confusion rises. I do admit, when I'm in my state of person number 2, I think... a lot. It can happen anywhere and anytime. While driving, while watching tele, while eating, while staring out the window. My dad used to ask me, "what are you thinking?", whenever he catches me staring out the window when I was younger. But it's not all bad to think too much. I become the observer of life. I could give certain insights based on what I have observed around me. So that's a plus point.

What I want to put out here is, how do I balance this out? From being my overly thinking, analysing, serious self, laced in with the Happy-Go-Lucky joker self. Hmm... But what is important is, I have to LOVE myself enough to make me not bother too much about it. I also must learn not to dumb myself down with my friends too. Hmm..

Leading to Ramadhan

2010-08-11T09:29:00.001+08:00

It's the first day of Ramadhan!!

This means, no breakfast or lunches for a whole month, shopping, Buka Puasa sessions, Tarawikh, and friends and family time, no swearing and cursing, no going over the top crazy with excitement, Ramadhan Bazaar, etc. Wahooo!!!

SO... For this post, I decide to put up a pictorial update of the weekend prior to this holy month. Enjoy... :D

Jasper just got a new job so Alphatin and I bought cakes to celebrate it. Dum dee daa...!

Then we headed over to I-city in Shah Alam to check out what all thehype was about and for me to supposedly be introduced to Alphatin's colleague (that's a bust btw). It was majorly HOT and CROWDED but we made do with silly photos.

Pretty lighted Christmas Tree in AUGUST!

Pretty lights

Alphatin and I 'posing'

Alphatin looking slightly disgruntled by the night mode on her camera, which probably amused Jasper. ROFL!!!

Self portraits

On a makeshift 'tripod' to take this photo of three of us

ME!

After that, we were supposed to go for pre-Ramadhan midnight karaoke but this is what happened...

Hanging out in the car...

Jasper caught sleeping on the job of guarding us girls...

And a photo of the lovebirds, Alphatin & Jasper... :D

Shortly after, we ditched the midnight karaoke idea since the mall closed for the night and there were NO CAFES open where we can hang out in to while away the time. So we decided to head on back to Subang Jaya for dinner/supper.

Look at these babies!! They're at least 1 litres each of fruit juices. Wanna know where you can get them??

Ta-daa...! Asia Cafe in SS15 Subang Jaya. (And we finished it too!!)

Once we were full to the brim, we headed back to watch a DVD. This was the movie we attempted to watch...

Seriously... don't bother watching it. Seriously.

I say 'attempted' because halfway through we decided to dub it PSYCHOTIC and called it a night. ZZzzZZzzZZzz...

Sunday came, and not much happened then. Just me being a domestic goddess doing household chores and later that evening joining the lovebirds for din din in Tokyo G, OU. Fun! :D

End note, HAPPY RAMADHAN EVERYWUN!!

Cafe Gratitude!

2010-08-06T09:12:00.000+08:00

Happy Friday!

I'm starting the day in good spirit. I hope Dr. Feelgood will stay with me all throughout the day so that my weekend will start with a BANG!

A few things to be grateful for. So let's say ALHAMDULILLAH together:

1) Alhamdulillah for good friends and family, who make life more exciting, and who are not stingy with knowledge on culinary adventures (Hehe). A special shoutout to my girl Makbed for this. Look what she taught me to cook last night for break fast:

Sambal Sardine... YUMM! *Hmm... I REALLY need to work on taking better photos*

And the special lady herself... MAKBED with her big brown eyes!

The lot of us; Alphatin, Jasper, Cikinot, (possibly) Rocku and I will be going to where she resides on the 20th of August. A special day indeed because...

a) it's her BIRTHDAY;
b) it's her ANNIVERSARY;
c) it WILL be her baby's FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!

So we'll be having a super party for the three occassions despite it being the middle of Ramadhan. :D

2) Alhamdulillah that I managed to finish replacing last year's fast way before Ramadhan starts on the 11th of August 2010. That's just next week. Yayyy!!!! Anyone else excited by this? I know I am! Ngeeee...

3) Alhamdulillah that since I finished my fast, I get to have pre-Ramadhan 'Hari Raya', which coincidentally falls on the BEST day of the week EVER, Friday. I get to enjoy Friday to the fullest and have a good long lunch which is the last one before Ramadhan starts. After this, it's a WHOLE MONTH of no long lunches on Fridays. Huhu!

4) Alhamdulillah for sponteneity. Yes, being spontaneous and having plans that are not cast in stone are FUN!

5) Alhamdulillah for being alive and well and having good spirits. Also for me still having the tenacity to carry on with my weight loss project. InsyaAllah, I WILL succeed!!

Have a great day everywun! :D

Let's Have a Good Day!

2010-08-04T09:57:00.000+08:00

Whilst this morning's travel to work was super bad and first thing after arriving to work I had a little outburst of annoyance at one project secretary who was trying to pin crap on my staff, I have decided that I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY!

So I urge you all, let's have a good day together.

Let's forget that it's Wednesday, middle of the week and our bodies are exhausted from the first two days of work and remembering there's still two more days until the weekend. Let's forget to be stressed about the traffic jam in the city. Let's forget to be pressured about things are happening in our lives. Let's set aside emotional downturns and stay away from being depressed. Let's be glad to be alive. Let's just let ourselves have a good day despite it all. Insyaallah...

Go through the day - no matter how it may be - and end it with a smile and a bounce in our step!

p/s: I think this is the after effect of my revived exercise regime. Endorphines are pumping and giving me some good hiiiiiiiiiigh... :D

Countdown to D-day: 69 days left

2010-08-03T09:54:00.000+08:00

Now for some updates on my weight loss project. Haven't been talking about that in a while since I was having too much fun with friends. How can I say that? Having too much fun?? I think I'm having just the right amount of fun. :)

Anyways, it's now the 3rd of August, which means there is 69 days left to D-day. Some of you might have already guessed what D-day is, because of some hints that have been dropped off in some of my entries. It has to do with my trip to Perth in October this year and it also has to do with my best friend, Mae. Yep, I'm dropping bigger hints now. I should probably just reveal it now since it's SO near but I'll leave it till the month before... maybe. Hehehehe!

When this segment started I had about 140 days or so to work on my weight loss. My new motivation at that point. After approximately 2.5 months, I am so glad that I've worked my butt to reach the point of losing 10 kilos. That is equivalent to 22 pounds. In the next 2 weeks to mark my 3rd month of healthy eating and exercise, I hope to lose another 8 pounds or 3.6 kilos to reach 30 pounds. If this fella here could do it in 3 months, so can I. :) But yes, I do realise that men and women have very different ways and pace of losing weight so I would just take in whatever tips in there to keep myself going on the food department.

Ookay, I admit, July hasn't been a month filled with healthy eating. I didn't have as much veges and fruits as I should and my water intake went down quite a lot on a daily basis but August, I am determined to get back on track especially coupled with Ramadhan coming up. Discipline and determination are keys to success here! I've started exercising on my x-trainer again after a 2-week hiatus. Slowly reminding my body that it can withstand 40 minutes per work out but yes, I am doing it especially because I am seeing the benefits on myself. :) Trying to control my food intake and cutting out unnecessary indulgence - I 'treated' myself to McD's about two weeks ago after my 2nd milestone achievement but I found that it sort of makes me feel sick after a few months of staying away from it. Then I tried again with KFC, and again I felt sick-ish. Hmm... Good body for 'rejecting' junk - But nevertheless, I am not denying myself the pleasure of good quality food so I never feel deprived. That's important!

Wanna see if there is any changes in me? Maybe you could tell coz I can't really. :p

In April 2010

In July 2010

I should take better photos of myself. Muahaha!!!

Second Day of a New Moon

2010-08-02T09:36:00.003+08:00

It's August! How time flies. Wasn't it just recently that we were celebrating New Year's? Suddenly, months went by and it's now the eighth month of the year. Meep!! But anyhow, life goes on no matter what right? So here I am going on with my life. And trying to have as much good times as possible to make it interesting and fulfilling.

So these are some of the things I did on the last day of July and on the first day of August...

Saturday, 31st July 2010
- Alphatin and I were on a mission to be mini Martha Stewarts with our cake project. Unlike most people, the reason we wanted to bake a cake wasn't to make some extra income on the side but merely to fulfill our curiosity on our ability to bake a special cake. For this first attempt, we wanted to bake a Red Velvet Cake. The night before, we excitedly met up with Cikinot to buy our Twilight merchandise from Borders Books and then went into Tesco for our raw materials for the cake. Going home that night, we were confident that the cake (with a few minor adjustments to the recipe coz we could NOT find buttermilk) would be tasty and RED on the inside. Yay!!

We each took a layer of the cake because we ran out of time to put the two pieces together. Here's my half of the Red Velvet Cake. It's a success in terms of taste so we could bake it again. :D

This is the Twilight: Eclipse merchandise that I got. It's a book bracelet, it's Edward Cullen and it's pretty!

- After the cake adventure, I rushed over to SJ to get my parents and send them over to my uncle's house in Hartamas. My cousin's hand was being asked for (merisik) by her boyfriend's family. But since I'm one of the 'young ones', I needn't be there to witness it. After dropping my parents off, I headed over to my brother's house to hang out while my parents attend the function.

- Then, my brother and his wife said we were going for dinner and off we went to Sheraton Imperial in KL after picking up my parents from the uncle's house. It was a buffet dinner and it was SO. GOOD! The fresh oysters were magnificent, the salad was to perfection, they had Japanese food, Char Kuey Teow that is devine and a spread of desserts, which I forego coz I was too full! There goes my healthy eating habits for one night. :p All in all, a pleasurable Saturday FOR SURE!

Sunday, 1st August 2010
- Slept in for a little bit coz I was so tired. But only for a little bit because Bapak told me the night before that he was keen on checking out the Sunday Car Mart in PJ. We used to do that quite a bit when my parents were in SJ most of the time. But ever since they moved to Hippo, we rarely get to do that anymore. Coincidentally, I have a plan in the pipeline to trade in my car. Ten, ten, tenn!!! So we were on a mission this time as opposed to just 'looking around'. Found some great potentials. Narrowing down, I'm guessing that my next car would be a second hand Toyota. Ngeee!!!! :D

Maybe a Vios??

Or perhaps a 2-door Rav 4??? We will see...

- After the Car Mart, off we went to pick Mak up for some banana leaf rice. WAHOOO!!! It was indulgence. Really!

- Once full, we headed over to K Long's house to see the kiddies. Hung out there for a while and then headed on home to SJ.

- Before calling it a night, I had borrowed my nieces' basic piano book to re-visit reading musical notes. I'm very slow at reading music but with some basic revision, by the end of the night I could play the first line of 'Fascination'. Hopefully by tonight, I'll be able to play the whole song and even perhaps play 'Fur Elise' again. Not bad ey?? *wink*

Yep, that's how I ended July and started August. How did you do??

Sleep-deprived-ish...

2010-07-28T12:18:00.000+08:00

Okay, this is what I'm going through in the sleep department. I go to bed super duper tired; fall asleep for a little while; and then wake up and toss and turn for HOURS; drift off to sleep in the last few moments before my alarm clock rings; wake up super duper super TIRED.

So where does it leave me? Stoned. Most of the day and trying to put on a brave front as if I'm all alert and conscious especially when I have to work.

It's been going on like this since a few weeks back I think. I can't really remember when this pattern started but I do know that I have a problem "switching off". When I have things on my mind or if I happen to be hyper or very, very tired, my brain goes on OVERDRIVE and I would be thinking of anything and everything. Thing is, I have no idea what's going on in my mind these days. They're incoherent thoughts. Ideas that float in at that last moment before slumber and it will drift back louder than ever in the middle of my REM cycle.

There was one night when I actually tossed and turned SO much that I got up, changed into a different pyjama and then climb back to bed just to sleep better.

Sigh...

Hence, 2 nights ago I tried this; I was given muscle relaxant a month ago for my muscle cramps. So I took that and a flu pill in hopes that it would lull me sleep long enough without waking up in the middle of the night for no particular reason. It sort of worked but I could literally FEEL my mind working against the pills. My whole body was in atrophy coz the muscles are forced to relaxed, but my mind was WILLING my body so much to move and fidget. I remember thinking, "the meds must be working or I wouldn't feel this way". I don't know how to describe it. It's like I'm awake but I'm also not.

After a while, I forget that I was "fighting" my body with my mind and went to sleep waking up the next time to the sound of the alarm telling me to have my 'sahor' and then again when it was time to get up for work. The end result, I get to sleep in longer successions without waking up so often in the middle of the night. Sure I am sleepier when I wake up because the meds were still working, but to have a better sleeping pattern is more than I could ask for.

2nd Milestone and a Good Weekend!

2010-07-26T09:26:00.001+08:00

Alphatin & Bella with our SEVEN tickets

Despite being sick throughout the whole week last week, I did have something to celebrate about. On Saturday, I reached my second milestone in my weight loss journey! It may be because I was dog sick all the while, but I'll take that advantage over anything at this stage just to feel better.

So after my official weigh in on Saturday morning, I told Makbed and Alphatin that I was going to give myself room to celebrate. And it would materialise in the form of McDonald's and ice cream!! Now, I was still coughing my arse off and should still stay away from anything cold or oily, but one McChicken burger and an ice cream cone wouldn't hurt... so much. Muahahaha!!!!

This celebration would be on Sunday when I meet Alphatin, Jasper and Cikinot for our second viewing of Eclipse. Before the movie, we met up for Karaoke. Yep, in our state of sickness and coughing and lack of singing voice (for me, Jasper and Alphatin), we slogged on through just to get the bug out of our system. It was, bar none, THE worst karaoke session EVER but we had too much fun to bother about who sang the best or worst. ROFL!!!

After karaoke, we made our way to Borders to check out some books and Twilight merchandise. And after that, we were off to McD's for FOOD!! I was finally going to get my burger and ice cream. But seriously, it was really difficult to finish that Chicken burger. And the french fries, I just let Cikinot, Alphatin and Jasper to take care of that. But the ICE CREAM was HEAVEN... *Mmmmmm*

Then we made our way to the Cinema and met with Bella and her friend, then waited for Alphatin's colleague, then waited for our organiser to give us our tickets. Before long, movie tiiiimee! Yes, the movie is still as good as the first time around watching it. We hung out a little after the movie for dinner. But we all had to face reality sooner or later so we all decided to call it a night and head on home into the rain...

All in all, a SICK happy weekend achieved. :)

Paid for the Weekend with my Health

2010-07-23T13:26:00.001+08:00

This whole week has been HORRIBLE!

There's always at least once a year that I would fall SO SICK that I would be rendered bed-bound until I can get back on my feet again. And it's not necessarily the same illness every year. But this year, the FLU came to me like a tornado.

How it began...

Well, where do I even begin? I guess I have been playing kite with falling sick since the beginning of July. This whole month, it's been touch and go with migraine one moment, cold the next, sorethroat right after and who could forget my sprained ankle (a touch of clumsiness to top it all off). So I've been in and out of the clinic every so often and every single time, I've managed to 'curb' my falling sicker. That is until last weekend.

I had one of THE BEST weekends with my friends Alphatin, Jasper and Rocku doing movie marathons at a HOTEL courtesy of Alphatin's brother. On Saturday I went swimming, had loads of laughs, watched movie after movie, slept in the wee small hours of the morning; and it was all fine and dandy until I started having a tickle at the back of my throat. *cough cough*

Then Alphatin's brother said we could stay an extra night at the hotel and go to work from there on Monday. So off we went to enjoy our Sunday. With hardly any sleep, we went for a wedding of a friend of Jasper's, went to my house to pick up work clothes, went to Alphatin's house to get hers, ate some durian with glutinous rice courtesy of Alphatin's mama, get caught in the rain, started the marathon and the next thing you know, my voice was changing and the coughing was more persistent.

That night I slept in a fit! Cursing the temperature rise, shivering my arse off and practically wrapping myself in the duvet so tightly, no air could get out! And that was it. I had high fever.

THIS fever lasted TWO FRIGGIN' DAYS! And then on I tried going to work on the third day. BIG MISTAKE! I barely lasted the whole day and by Thursday, I went to work and shortly caved in. I COULDN'T BREATHE!! Alphatin and Makbed were online with me and they kept telling to go for another check up with the doctor. Thankfully the doctor said, "Go home. You won't be able to do anything in your office coz the air cond is making it worse!". So I went home and almost immediately after swallowing the meds, I konked out like a stone.

It doesn't end there. The moment I wake up, *cough cough*, *sniffles sniffles*, *COUGH COUGH*. And it totally disturbed with my sleeping. Let's just say, I DIDN'T AT ALL...

So today, I decided my health is more important than trying to force myself to work. -END-

Ships of Friends...

2010-07-15T10:41:00.000+08:00

Can we be a little serious now?

I don't get it. I have friends who think I am neglecting and forgetting them? Just because I have been hanging out with my good friend from SCHOOL and her BROTHER and COUSIN and making some new friends along the way. haih... sorry. Really, I'm just sorry.

Maybe I did get caught up on hanging out with them for the past few weeks. But it's only because we had lots of things happening in succession with each other. It all started with the Twilight thing anyways. But to say that about my schoolmate is not true at all. We have been hanging out from time to time. Just not as often as this past 2 months.

I didn't know that I can't have fun with others. I thought we understood that. That eventhough we don't see each other so often that we'd still remain good friends. That you're free to go on with your life and I am free to go on with mine. Pick up where we left off as if no time has passed whenever we do meet up. Be spontaneous. I don't complain when you only see your mates eventhough I also know some of them. I don't complain when you have new friends and new activities that you go for. I am happy for you. I just hope you would be happy for me without making me feel like such a jerk.

The last thing I want is to lose the friendship that we have over a silly thing like this. I have plenty of room in my heart for friendships. Yours would always be dear to me. Please, please, please. I don't want to lose you over this. It hardly seems worth it.

~guilt-ridden~

Weak ankles, I have

2010-07-15T09:22:00.004+08:00

This is what happened to me on Monday night...

After break fasting (still have a long way to go on replacing them) with mum's simple yet oh-so-yummy cooking, I happily hopped on my x-trainer after what seemed a lifetime. After doing about half an hour of it, while watching 'Chowder' and 'The Miss Adventures of Flapjack' (yes, am still a cartoon buff), I hopped off it feeling great and was just waiting to cool myself down. So while doing that, I remembered that the house wasn't in lockdown yet. Went up the stairs to my room to get the housekeys and made my way downstairs again to lock up. Without any rhyme or reason, and eventhough I could see my mum's shoes at the bottom of the stairs, my brain insisted that my left foot step on it. Adamant on NOT avoiding it! Damn... next thing you know, there goes my ankle going honky dory. But the funny thing was, at that point in time I hardly felt any pain. Went about my business locking up and even ran up the stairs for my refreshing shower before bedtime.

The NEXT morning. WHOAMAGAWD!!! The pounding pain was searing through my body like a hot iron. Shite! I seriously did sprain my ankle. But being me, I tried ignoring it and went about my business of getting ready for work and even driving to work with the silly pain going on. The moment I stepped out of the car, my left foot felt like giving way and I was absolutely limping ALL throughout the day. HEEEeee!!!

Luckily one of my colleagues had with her some ointment for joint pains so that helped relieve the pain a little. By the end of the day, I was limping less and was sure I could heal fully by the next morning. Even challenging the odds by meeting up with Alphatin for din din and some grocery shopping (which was a load of fun as usual).

I was wrong.

It was just as bad and this time, the parents noticed. Damn! Mum started pestering me about my clumsiness (yet again), and Dad was surprisingly cool with it. He even gave me some ointment (ointment... sounds like oink-ment. ahahaha!! Okay, silly joke) and an ankle guard to reduce the unnecessary movement. When that didn't really reduce the pains, Mum gave me Yoko Yoko - hands down a worthwhile investment. This thing is marvelous! I put it on under the ankle guard and by night time I could almost walk normally.

This morning, I could almost put my whole weight on my foot without flinching and it's fantastic! But I still need to be careful of the first step though. It's always the weakest. Ahahaha! So hopefully, I will heal entirely by tonight so that I won't need my sexy ankle guard anymore. Weeee!!!

Blurred Evidence of Fun!

2010-07-13T10:02:00.002+08:00

Okay, as a continuation from the Eclipse premier outing...

Now, Khalis (we have to find him a pseudo name for my blog.. AH!! Jasper! Makbed thought he looked a little like Jasper Hale), okay, so Jasper is defined by Alphatin as coming from the musically inclined side of the family, where as Alphatin is from the tech family. Being that, Jasper told us that he got free VIP (must stress on the VIP) tickets to a charity concert featuring Bunkface and Hujan (local indie rock bands). This was to happen on Saturday night at Live Centre KL.

I'm not a huge fan of the two groups but I have heard a few of their songs. Same goes for Alphatin and Rocku. But can't say the same for Jasper though nor for Irah (hence known as Bree), Jasper's adorable lil sister.

When we got to the venue, we were expecting DROVES of fans to pack the scene. But it wasn't full house. Even so, KUDOS to the two bands. They really rocked the house and gave a stellar performance. Whatever little songs we knew, we were totally schooled that night with their other songs. FUN!

Hujan vs. Bunkface - 10th July 2010

Before and during concert

After the concert with Alphatin and Rocku

Alphatin, Bree and Me

Jasper and Alphatin

And obviously, we got hungry so we ate. Nothing special there...

After our supper Jasper brought us to this place on top of a hill right smack in the middle of Ampang where we can see the whole of KL! It was amazing! Alphatin and I definitely felt like tourists. Who knew there was a place like this? Okay maybe you know but I didn't.

Ampang Look-out Point (sorry the photo is blurred)

We hung out there for a while having fun and enjoying each other's company while taking silly blurred photos with our camera phones. Ahaha!

And just because I like this photo of me and Rocku :)

Sunday was also a lot of fun. Spent time with the fam and my niece and nephew and after that with my cousins Rafflethazzle and Elfirrathazzle. Hardly any pics but this was what happened. :D

That's actually the go-kart being stacked up :P

I ran out of moolah so I didn't go on the go-kart. But it's the hanging out that was so stellar. Yep, Sunday was not too bad and overall the weekend was fantabulous! Let's hope next weekend will be just as much fun. Yayy!

Premiering the Eclipse

2010-07-13T10:00:00.002+08:00

The first week (technically) of July was uber awesome! Yeah, there was that one time when it was totally crappy (re: previous post) but the rest of the days after that was super numbed and filled with fun excitement.

The Eclipse premier of 7th July was FABULOUS. And in case you're wondering if I actually did dress up for Cosplay or if I'd chickened out - I totally rocked the Victoria character! Despite waking up on the 7th with a massive MASSIVE migraine (what I would imagine a hangover would be) and the bloody flu/phlegm creeping up in my nose and throat, I had a ginormous amount of happiness that day.

It all began with my super quick FORCED recovery from the migraine and flu. Then it was off to Alphatin's to kidnap her for the next two days. We were going fullscale for this premier so we got a pretty rad accommodation at Cikinot's spare apartment that night. After picking Alphatin up, off we were on our Eclipse adventure meeting Makbed along the way. She was a total bundle of joy and the moment we met, it was click haven! Seriously, there wasn't a moment when we wouldn't burst out laughing our heads off. After that, we looked for contact lenses to "authenticate" our Cosplay outfits. Despite my initial apprehension about sticking my finger to my eye, I caved in and bought green contacts for myself. Alphatin got honey coloured ones and Makbed a nice light brown ones to complement her BIG round eyes!

We set off home to my place to get into character. There, madness! We had less than 2 hours. I did the makeup for all three of us, and Makbed and Alphatin taught me how to stick my finger in my eye WITHOUT BLINKING, then Alphatin sprayed my hair red, which was absolutely hilariously cool, and I packed my knapsack SO FAST it was bloody amazing to my standards. We were out of the house by about 6pm (O_o) and prayed against hope that the roads of KL would be smooth flowing. Luckily, we used our road savviness and found good routes to follow and was in Pavillion 45 minutes later. AMA-ZING I KNOW!!

Convergence of the vamps was initially in Carl's Jr. The list of characters portrayed that night by our coven:

- Alphatin as Alice Cullen

- Aishah Shah as Bella (hence known)

- Cikinot as Jane

- Makbed as Rosalie

- Khalis as ... some vampire... Demitrius?? (is there such a character)

- Rocku as Aro (but he didn't register himself)

- Yours truly as Victoria

After that we made our way for Cosplay registration and Alphatin, Bella and myself were the first 3 to register. Hence, we got goodie bags there for being the first. :D

The next exciting thing was Alphatin, Bella and I are among the 13 finalist. Imagine that! Then it got even more exciting as Alphatin was shortlisted for the next 7 finalist. It got even more crazy exciting when... ALPHATIN WON!!!! She was SPOT ON truly a winner from the start. WAHOOO!!!

The winning stare. :D

The movie began after that, which was great by the way, followed by hungry vamps gathering at the Mamak for some night cap. We are dubbed "Vampire Malaysia minum Teh Tarik". Muahahaha! Oh, all this while still in character too. So imagine the stares we got. ROFLMAO worthy!

After sending Bella off, we headed on home to Cikinot's. But again, what do you get when there's a bunch of excited "little" girls under one roof. SLEEPING LATE! Chit chatting, laughing, viewing photos, and a few hours later at around 3am, I caved in after taking the cough syrup and flu meds.

In the morning, it was time to prepare for the "post Eclipse luncheon". Unfortunately, this didn't exactly go according to plan nor did we have the quorum expected. But we made good. I made my apple crumble at least and we gobbled up pizzas courtesy of Domino's. After Rocku's class, we dragged him along for movies and more lepaq session. The poor boy had to endure our hyperactiveness with only 15 minutes of sleep from the night before. But I'd like to think that we all had too much fun to bother about being tired. =D

After watching "Despicable Me", Alphatin totally slept in the cinema, we finally called it a night. Makbed was driving back to Lumut (that's where she stays), and me and the siblings made our way to drop Alphatin home followed by sending Rocku back. That was the perfect conclusion to our fantastic Eclipse premier. :)

Phew! And this is only the Eclipse section of the week. I'll continue on to the happenings of the weekend in the subsequent entries. Ciao!

Our custom made Volturi Coven hoodie

Today... isn't the best day

2010-07-06T16:02:00.000+08:00

Today is turning out to be a rather crap-tastic day. Maybe it's just the cosmic way of balancing such excitement that's been happening and happening soon. Either way, it's sucking to high heaven.

Today I woke up for Sahor (fasting again) with a sniffle and a cough. Soon after my nose was blocked entirely and sleep became elusive until a while after. The alarm clock to get up for work couldn't go off soon enough; just when I was drifting into a dreamless slumber.

Today I went to work and the sniffles and cough continued on. Throat feeling raw but was too excited to think about it. Tomorrow is Eclipse movie premier!

Today loads of crap people tried to make life a total misery for me at work. Felt angry at the world and just wanted to go home and hide away.

Today I made THAT call to know the impending decision. It wasn't good news.

Today I burst into tears the moment I spoke to my parents. It wasn't pretty and I felt shattered to the core of my existence. Mum and Dad told me to never lose faith and God knows my hearts of hearts.

Today I decided I need a break and stopped tweeting my thoughts. I need to take a break from seeking and never finding. I needed a break for just two days.

Today a friend's tweet struck a cord. I'm sorry if I'm that. I didn't think you'd notice if I went and did my own thing with my own friends. They're not all new. Most of them are as old as ever long before I even knew you. And sorry if this is self-righteous of me. It's probably not even about me but I'm sensitive now so forgive me.

Today my eyes are all puffy and raw. Today I'm a mess. But tomorrow promises lots of bright future. Let's hope I bounce back soon.

Legendary Princess

2010-07-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

Do you know who this is?

She's Cinderella!

Her name was Ilene Woods and she was the Disney Legend who voiced Walt Disney's darling Princess, Cinderella. I recently found out that she has since passed on on the 1st of July 2010 at the ripe old age of 81 due to Alzheimer's Disease. Even though I never really cared who the voice behind the face was before this, I can't help but feel a little sentimental for the songstress who sang lovely songs such as 'A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes', 'So This is Love' and 'Sing Sweet Nightingale'. May she rest in peace and forever be remembered as a Disney Princess.

Eclipsed by Happy-ness!

2010-07-05T10:32:00.004+08:00

The weekend was AWESOME!

I had such a fun time shopping for Cosplay with Alphatin, Roku and Khalis (their cousin) in Berjaya Times Square, and the best part was we were all successful in finding the items for our costume at budget prices! I tell ya, this place is a diamond in the rough. Whoever thought that there were SO MANY of these weird Harajuku-ish, goth-ish clothes and accessories for the taking in that huge shopping mall! I admit, I don't give this place enough credit for starters but it was AMA-ZIIIiiING...!

We prepared ourselves by researching photos of the Twilight characters and making a list of things to get for the competition. And then Khalis told us about the shops in Berjaya Times Square, so on Saturday afternoon we headed over there. We had oodles of laughs and great energy walking around and being GOBSMACKED by the abundance of things there. Man, we were on a roll! And with all that we managed to get on Saturday, we're all pretty sure that we'd win at least something on 7th July 2010. heheheh!

The place where we got our wicked stuff from: http://www.i-socksonline.com/

Then on Sunday, my little nephew dubbed 'The Little Prince' turned two on 4th July 2010. Whoamagawd... he's in the terrible twos! But he's still so adorable that we won't mind it at all. Just like his sisters before him. Can't believe how fast time flies. It felt like only yesterday that he was a tiny little baby boy who has graced us with his presence. Sigh... I'll put up a video of this party when I get a chance.

4th July 2008

2 years later... :)

Anyways, on with the show for this week's work hell. It's already starting and I hate it but the positive thing to look forward to is Eclipse on Wednesday and our 'Eclipse After-party Luncheon' on Thursday. Yup, Alphatin and I are going to COOK for about eight other peeps on Thursday. EEeep! Wish us luck!! WAHOOOOO!

Countdown to a Special Screening

2010-07-02T15:20:00.000+08:00

Weeee!! It's Friday. Seriously, THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY because I am SO tired. I think my body is so ready for the weekend because I had an especially hard time waking up this morning for work. Never been a morning person anyways. Hehe.

Anyways...

In 6 days time, this is what's coming... *drumroll*

TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE!!!!!!!

And the great thing about this is, for the REST of the country it will come out on the 8th of July but for Twilighters Malaysia we get to watch it one day earlier. So on the 7th of July, I will be reunited with the Twilight Saga. Jeng, jeng, jennngggg!!!! Actually, I'm not a Twilighter. My buddies Alphatin and Cikinot are. I am just following the ride. They get to purchase exclusive preview tickets for the premier of the movie plus goodie bags. And guess what, there's even going to be a Cosplay competition. "Cosplay" - it's actually a costume competition.

The lot of us, Alphatin, Rocku (Alphatin's lil bro), Cikinot, and I are going to dress to the nines in characters of Twilight. Right now, I'm heading for a Victoria look. I have curly hair and her outfit seems manageable enough to replicate. Heheheh!

Tomorrow after my weekly official weigh in and visit with the Alphatin and I are going to check out the shopping scene to tie up lose ends to our outfit. We're not going to go extra crazy on it but more of improvising with things we already have plus a little extras here and there. I, AM. SO. EXCITED!! *grins*

Losing Weight and Having Fun!

2010-07-01T11:12:00.019+08:00

This blog is turning into a sort of chronicle for my weight loss journey. I've been looking for several inspiring blogs of weight loss to keep myself motivated and driven. Frankly, it's not so hard to be motivated thus far. Every single time I am reminded of my digital weighing machine or everytime I see too much food on my plate or if I feel overly full after a meal, I think of my losing weight.

It's a different experience back when I first attempted to lose weight while I was a teenager. I used to do it for others rather than for myself without understanding the full importance or function of a well balanced meal. All I used to see when I looked at the "suggested" menu was, "I'm gonna starve!". And I feared the weighing machine because I knew I didn't put an effort with food control. Now, perhaps with maturity and a sense of self-responsibility I feel like I am in control of my situation. And fat is not going to be the definition of me anymore. I am determined to be healthier with a change of lifestyle, including a balanced food intake and regular exercise in my daily life.

I am also enjoying myself in the process without feeling horrible and miserable every single time I have my meals. I don't feel left out like I used to and I don't feel restricted to enjoy my meals. I still go out with family and friends but I choose quality and yummy food for added value. Understanding the basic concept and roles of each food group helped make this easier to manage. And although there is still a version of the "suggested" menu, because I have my own clear understanding of food and it's nutritious qualities, I can manipulate and experiment with food to mesh my love of food and my weight loss plan together.

But out of all of this, I realise that I may not develop a supermodel physique but I will happy and satisfied enough if I manage to get my weight under control knowing that I made an effort to change my outlook on food and exercise. Most importantly, I am still going to be me when this weight problem is finally overcame because I am not going to lose myself, just my weight.

Me-1, The Bulge-0

2010-06-29T16:52:00.005+08:00

I have become somewhat obsessed with my little weight loss project. And I think it's good to be a little obsessed about it. Paranoia helps in this first few months of the journey. The last thing I want is to be complacent and thinking, "Oh, I've lost 5 kilos so I deserve reward myself", without having a stopping point at the end. I think I have "rewarded" myself enough now but I really need to get back on track. Some friends have told me to celebrate this achievement but seriously, this is just a mini achievement and you know what they say, winning the battle doesn't guarantee winning the war.

While I am thrilled to be losing the first milestone, I am still paranoid that I may gain back some of the kilos lost throughout this week. Oh food, why must you be my undoing? Yes, I still love food a lot! I don't think I will ever stop loving it. But like one article I read (have been reading quite a few lately), don't call it a diet but instead call it a lifestyle change. This is what I'm doing and this is probably one of the reasons why it seems to be working for me now. I sure hope this will keep working for me. Eep!

Did I mention that I finally got my digital weighing machine? Yep, when my sister Doc was around that was the one thing I asked of her. To get me a GREEN digital weighing machine. :D It's now my most precious and most hated thing in the whole world. I LOVE it when it shows that I have lost some weight but I absolutely LOATHE it when it's otherwise. Scary right? But if I don't get all paranoid, I might let myself go. THERE ARE HEAPS OF CHOCOLATES IN THE FRIDGE NOW!!! All imported from the UK. Sigh...

I also realise that healthy eating is not enough. And I HATE to exercise so thank GOD for the x-trainer. Now whenever I feel bloated or if I have overeaten I would jump on the machine to sweat out the guilt. It's been good so far. I'm up to 30 minutes and sweating buckets. And I enjoy it so that's a plus point which makes me look forward to it too. Anyhow, vanity aside, I need this for my health. *wink*

(cue music...)

"Maybe this time, I'll be lucky; Maybe this time, I'll win...!"

First milestone achieved!

2010-06-28T09:13:00.004+08:00

I've finally managed to lose 5 kilograms of weight. That's equivalent to 11 lbs! All in the span 5 weeks from the moment I got super serious about losing weight. :D

I now have 104 days before D-day. WAHOOO!!! (I know you still don't know what's D-day. Hehehe!) Let's hope that I can accelarate this weight loss more starting this week. I have a "secret weapon" that is au naturale. Hehehe. Nah, actually I just need to fast - replacing the days which I missed last year during Ramadhan. I have to clear up another SIXTEEN days! O_o" Yes, that is a lot but I was going through some unusual cycles last year which made that happen. This plus the fact that Ramadhan is upcoming too means yay-ness in the weight loss department.

So anyways, apart from this loss, I am suffering from a slight constipation. Seriously, I need to get more water into my system rather than all the beverages I've been guzzling down during the weekend since Mak's birthday happened and the whole family is in town. And also, I can't believe I'm saying this, I need more VEGETABLES! So guess who's going shopping soon...?

But nevertheless, this is good progress which I am so happy about because I know I worked hard for it. Two things I need to do; keep the weight off and keep shedding it off. I still have a long way to go but this first milestone will motivate me further. Plus, I've doing the low-resistant exercise on the x-trainer so sweating it out is in my regime now. This will be the turning point of my life!

KEEP MOVING FORWARD! =D

My Morning Cup of Hate

2010-06-23T09:47:00.008+08:00

You know what I hate the most about work?

I hate how some people just like to boss other people around but always fail to do their own jobs.
I hate when they think that we are just there as their lackey to do their every bidding INCLUDING their work.
I hate how they NEVER EVER take responsibility for their own action or lack thereof but ALWAYS pick on other departments or specific little people in public bashings i.e. meetings for things that are not done yet.
I hate how these big people would ALWAYS listen to the bad-mouthers and draw conclusions from them and I hate how they MARK people based on that and penalise them for nothing.
I hate how they are self-righteous and think they can NEVER do wrong.
I especially hate how they LOVE to point fingers at others without realising that three of their fingers point back to them.

Basically, I hate them all.

And I have the perfect song to dedicate to these people; Paramore's "Playing God".

Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision,
Well maybe you should tie me up, So I don't go where you don't want me,
You say that I've been changing, that I'm not just simply aging,
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat!

Whoa-oo-ho..

Chorus
You don't have to believe me,
But the way I, way I see it,
Next time you point a finger I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off,
Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror.

If God's the game that you're playing,
Well, we must get more acquainted,
Because it has to be so lonely, to be the only one who's holy,
It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in,
You don't deserve a point of view,
If the only thing you see is you.

Whoa-oo-ho...

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge
This is the last second chance,
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm half as good as it gets,
(I'll point you to the mirror)
I'm on both sides of the fence,
(I'll point you to the mirror)
Without a hint of regret, I'll hold you to it.

I know you DON'T believe me,
But the way I, way I see it,
Next time you point a finger,
I might have to to bend it back,
Or break it, break it off,
Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror.

I know you WON'T believe me,
But the way I, way I see it,
Next time you point a finger,
I might have to bend it back,
Or break it, break it off,
Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror!

This sums up my parting words for all these cretins!

Family Ties

2010-06-22T10:04:00.003+08:00

Again, an episode of "It's Been A While".

The previous post showed me to be a wrecking ball of emotional mess. I put the blame on those hormone pills and the monthly red spells. It was just plain "un-pretty". I had one of the worst period pains ever and it lasted longer than normal too. Oh the pains!! But I live through it. THANK GOD!

Then, I had emotionally charged with frustration weeks at work this month. Still not a happy camper and would probably never be for so long as I'm still in this hell hole. Seriously, I am losing money every single day that I am here! Gosh, I pray to GOD that I would get a new job soon. Sigh...

But despite these things, I am grateful for my family. Truly!

When my parents were away in the UK for two weeks, I felt so alone and lost. The moment they're back, everything seems to look better and be okay. When I'm at home, I really am at peace. I may suffer through 9-10 hours a day while at work, but the moment I get home I become sane again. This goes to having great siblings too.

When today sucked

2010-06-08T16:20:00.001+08:00

Today officially SUCKS! 'nuff said.

I probably won't remember why today sucks so bad when I read this again the future but it is just a HORRIBLE, EMOTIONAL, STRESSFUL, ANNOYING day!

Me vs. The Bulge

2010-06-05T21:25:00.003+08:00

I found it! I found a reliable-looking digital weighing machine. All thanks to buddies who were willing to go around One Utama today in my whims of looking for a weighing machine.

Since I now know the price, I will somehow get it (if it's within my spending budget) this month. Otherwise, it'll wait till next month. :D

As far as my eating habits go, I would say it has changed. I haven't touched McD's, KFC, Pizza Hut or Dominos in three weeks now. The diet is approaching the completion of its first month and I'm rather glad I started it. Now, not only do I feel great physically, taking better care of myself, and saving money in the process, I might actually succeed in my lifelong battle of the bulge!

I feel like screaming, "Look out world! I'm coming out. It is just a matter of time." :D

Feeling Exasperated Lately

2010-06-03T09:43:00.002+08:00

As much as I want to resist the temptation, I just have to declare that this week is a "Feeling Exasperated" week for me especially when it comes to work.

In terms of life, I totally love it and enjoying it since I have wonderful people in them. Friends turn out to be real life savers since my support system are still in merry ol' UK until this Sunday. But work. is. a. living. NIGHTMARE!

Yeap, have been having episode after episode of annoyance at work. I know I shouldn't care but it's hard because I am still here without any other place to go, and until then I cannot make a ruckus. Okay, even if I do have a place to go, still shouldn't make a ruckus.

Anyways, I am getting agitated and I really need GOD's help in getting another job now. *looks heavenward*

In any case, I MUST get a job offer by July the latest so that I can successfully execute my Perth trip in October. Amin...!

131 to D-Day!

2010-06-01T09:45:00.001+08:00

It's 1st June 2010 and I now have 131 days left before D-day. What is D-day?? Nope, still keeping mum about it for now. Made a promise. But I will reveal it in due course.

So after last Saturday's emo-fest, I decided to be more positive and make the most out of whatever I have accomplished so far. I tell myself, yeah, you didn't lose as much as I wanted to but the main thing is I lost something. And that is better than nothing 10 times more.

I've hijacked my brother's glider exercise machine thingy-ma-jig last Friday night and by GOD, I actually lifted the bloody thing from my car into the house all by myself! But I have to say, it's totally worth the effort. I have strategically placed it in front of the tele with the full intention that I can watch tv AND exercise at the same time. So on Saturday, I hopped on it hoping to do a set of 20 minutes or half hour with Mr. Bean the Animated Series as my company. But, 10 minutes in the session, I was sweating buckets! BEAT! BREATHLESS! DELIRIOUS!!

Clearly, I was out of shape for far too long. Before long, I hopped off and tried to catch my breath. Phew!!

The next morning, I got on it again and this time I paced myself better, doing slower cycles and making sure I was BREATHING, and managed to complete 15 minutes of exercise without losing my mind. Way better than my previous 10 minutes!

Didn't do any last night though since I fasted the whole day and although I am fasting again today, I'm thinking of jumping on that thing if I have the time after break fast. Maybe once I've started doing this regularly AND the healthy eating, I'd be able to reach my goals faster and be toned/fit at the same time. Yayy!

Crash & Burn stage (Almost)

2010-05-29T19:40:00.002+08:00

I've been doing my "Healthy Eating Habits" for about three weeks now. The first two, I was tremendously excited and happy that it bore fruit. But the third week's outcome literally brought me to tears. It was the week that I got really close to salads and staying as far away from rice as much as I could. Nonetheless, the scales don't lie.

Seeing the figure today broke my heart. For all I was positive this morning that I have done really well with my food intake, I bummed. Yeah, not too big a crash but it affected me quite a bit. I had a target, I had a plan and this little slip pushes me back by a week.

I felt foolish when I cried seeing the nutritionist today but I want them to know how important this is to me. I had an aim and by GOD, this time, I will see through it. No, I'm not giving up. I am determined. I will get back on the saddle each and everytime I slip off. Insyaallah, GOD will give me the strength to persevere until the aim is fulfilled ultimately. This is the one thing I will do for myself by THIS year.

Mark my words, a new me will emerge from the cocoon.

One of those days...

2010-05-26T10:00:00.002+08:00

When I am totally pissed off at the world and hate my life super much! But I don't hate it enough that I would do something silly though.

Woke up this morning having a rather "ill" feeling. But I jumped out of bed regardless and was ready to leave work quite early compared to the day before. So feeling confident that I'd make it to work early too, I set off on my journey. Before long, everything came to a halt. The jam was backed up because the usual flow the traffic light got cut short by the police (when usually they'd allow at least 10 minutes on each angle). Okay, no sweat there I thought since I left the house early anyways.

Then I made finally made my way to the friggin highway and there was a jam at the toll plaza! Argh... In the highway itself there were moments when it was a complete stop. But I was used to this so I learnt a few tricks along the way on how to keep moving; switch to the middle lane. Regardless, I was still feeling hopeful.

Then, after the highway, I was flying through to get to the SMART tunnel and an unusual jam happened! This jam usually happens if the tunnel is closed due to heavy rains. But as far I can remember, it didn't rain a drop last night. At this point I knew it was going to be one of those days.

Making my way over to the tunnel and I saw that the rest of the main road wasn't all that clogged up. It was just the idiocy of Malaysian drivers who do not have civic consciousness in their being!!!

After the whole haloo-baloo of the jam in the TUNNEL (!), I almost collided with a van but I slogged on through and manage to get over to the other side of the traffic light to go to my office building. There was a clog there too!!!! I was at the brink of tears at this point coz I was late, I was stressed out and I was SO friggin pissed off at myself that I'm still stuck in this hell hole of a rut. ARGGHHhh!!

I wanted to do something stupid today. I was determined to write a letter the moment I got to my workstation. But I don't have another job in hand now. How would I survive if I just up and quitted?

It's just one of those days...

139 Days left To a Whole New Me!

2010-05-24T09:13:00.003+08:00

Okay, so in my quicky update I wrote that I have 143 days left to D-day. Something HUGE will be happening in October of this year and I intend to look my best. Now, with only 139 days left, my determination increases!

Incidentally, on the same day that I wrote the quicky, I also recorded a loss of 2.7 kilos. Yayy!! I am definitely on my way even with that small weight loss. So, I spoke to the nutritionist again and told her this great new motivation. We came up with a target. Ideally if I can lose at least 1.5 kilos a week, I should lose about 15 kilos in 10 weeks time, which should be by the beginning of August. (GOD, please give me the strength to keep it up until then).

BUT! My weight loss journey doesn't just end there. I'm going to still have another 10 weeks before the day comes. And I'm gonna guess that after a fashion, the weight loss would plateau, which would make losing weight a little bit more difficult. So give or take that, I'd be happy just to maintain the weight lost for a little while before the body reacts again for more weight loss. We'll cross this bridge when we get there.

So wish me luck and discipline, and I'll be on my way! :D

Quicky update

2010-05-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

This a quicky:

I have a new motivation now to keep up with my diet and to aim for weight loss. I have from now until first week of October 2010! That's less than 5 months or 143 (at this very moment) days to be exact. Think I'll start a countdown. Don't worry, it'll all be revealed soon. WHEEEEEE!!

Watch out for the follow up on this entry! *muahs* :D

...And The Diet Goes On

2010-05-19T10:55:00.002+08:00

The second week of my newly reformed eating habits a.k.a diet. Yes, I'm still at it. I want to keep this up for as long as I can. There were times when I just want to fall off the sadle, but I stood my ground.

I'm trying to stick to the rice-once-a-day regime for now. I substitute rice with wholemeal breads and occassionally vermicelli. And also apples! I feel like an apple advocate since starting this project. Eating more proteins but am working on increasing the vege intake. Water is still a little challenging. I haven't reached the 2-litre mark yet but I'm getting there. It always seems easier to drink more water at night after work then it is while at work. We'll have to remedy that. This weekend I will look for a new water bottle. One that can fit at least a litre each time so that I can fill it up while at work. Hehe! Exercise... let's talk about that later. :P

Dieting is not too easy with the various temptation. Like today, I'm going for a cocktail party at a hotel. Fuuhh... I hope I can resist. I felt really proud of myself last Friday night when I saw my brother and his wife. They were having supper and I totally resisted the Nasi Lemak and Satay. All I had was a hot lemon drink. *grins*

Then the weekend in Hippo happened. I stood my ground though on the rice-once-a-day thing. So it's not too awful (I hope). Funny thing that happened to me that weekend; I got my very FIRST ever speeding ticket. Damn! 15th May 2010 - a date which will live in infamy. *Drama much*

Anyways, here's to healthier eating habits and lifestyle!

Talking about FOOD!

2010-05-12T09:28:00.007+08:00

It's been a while since I revisited the 'losing weight' segment of my existence. I once wrote about how a brazen careerist jolted me up to face my demons and my determination to lose my excess weight. I began quite religiously to go on my weekend brisk walks back in November last year and also laced with swimming on occassion. But by February of this year, it came to an almost stand still. Work got in the way of my preserved energy for weekend walks that all I could do was to sleep in on weekends if I didn't have anywhere else to wander off to. Suffice to say for the past three months, things have been rather full to the brim that I could only steal snippets of moments for myself. Before long, suddenly it's May and I haven't even come close to being moderately normal sized!

So last Saturday, I saw a nutritionist. Telling her what I eat on weekdays was bizarre because I actually had to recount what I consume on a daily basis. The conclusion is, my food intakes although are relatively not a lot, is weirded out by the a) quality of food eaten, and b) timing. Here's the lowdown;

- My breakfast habit = dinner habit (coz I skip it due to lack of appetite)
- My lunch habit = normal lunch habit
- My dinner habit = breakfast habit (coz I tend to eat the most to compensate for the hunger throughout the day)
- I don't snack much (which is 1 demon down), but I also don't drink enough water
- When it comes to vege, I only eat Veg that I like and I don't like most types
- Fruits are a luxury coz they rot the fastest and I cannot afford to buy fruits AND eat them fast enough before they go bad.
- Exercise is very sparse.

THEREFORE, the nutritionist advised me on a few things, which I find is interesting and useful:

- Whatever food we eat, be it fish, chicken, vege (although this can be more to compensate for the lack of carbs & protein) should be no bigger than the palm of your hand, in size. Meaning, if you're eating a fish, make sure that the size of the fish is the same size as your palm, which is quite big considering my palm!

- To address my problem with no appetite for breakfast, she told me to start with half a glass of warm water and build up gradually to having milo -> cereal drinks -> oats or fruits or yoghurt. This is to avoid from getting gastric.

- For lunch, if I have to eat at the mamak stall, go for mixed rice -> half plate of rice, lots of vege, something protein like fish or chicken or seafood. Options: Mee Hoon soup with lotsa vege, chapati (if any), naan bread and tandoori chicken. Sandwiches and salads work too. I also have to cut down on the curries, etc. Oh, and also avoid fast food as much as possible.

- Then I told her about my hunger at the strike of 5.30pm everyday at work. What I normally do is I'd suck it in until I reach home and hoover down dinner at 8.30pm or 9.00pm (late I know). So the nutritionist said, bring an apple or whatever fruits from home, or get some soy bean milk or yoghurt or even milk to curb the hunger. Stay away from crackers because apparently 3 pieces of cream crackers is equivalent to quarter plate of rice. WHOA much!

- For dinner, again if I have to eat rice -> halved, lotsa vege and more on the protein. I can substitute rice with salads and sandwiches or chapati or naan. The aim is to get more protein and vege in the system to compensate for the lesser carb intake. This way, I won't feel starved or even super tired!

- As for the water issue, I told the nutritionist that I would drink most water at night. Ladies, this isn't good for us due to water retention. Our bodies don't work as hard as it does in the day time. The metabolism rate is slower which makes sense if we can eat lightly. The body won't have to work extra time to break it down. So the nutritionist said, try to drink at least a glass of water per hour while at work which would allow me to reach 2 litres a day. I'm still working on this coz I've only managed 3 big mugs yesterday while at work = max 700ml. VERY BAD!

- Fruits -> I need to get fruits that will last a whole week; i.e. apples (aha!), pears, oranges, kiwis (if I can afford them), the occassional bananas and if I can, papayas too. I should lessen my intake of persimmons, sweet mangoes, durians (which I don't fancy much anyways), jackfruits (rare commodity in my books), ciku, and whatever types of fruits which have lots of sweetness in them.

Aside from facing the nutritionist, I also saw a clip on Youtube by this GORGEOUS man in the UK who is a makeup artist. His name is Wayne Goss and his handle is gossmakeupartist. His background initially (apparently) is on nutrition and fitness, and in his video he was talking about... NUTRITION. I thought his explanation was brilliant and made me not so scared about dieting. His take on it is... we can consume as much protein as we can because our body has a mechanism that can tell it when it's had enough protein. But when it comes to carbs, we can just go on and on and on! Like eating 10 hardboiled eggs successively vs. eating a packet of biscuits. Then he said that proteins are useful for the body because they have regenerative elements in them - it reproduces hormones, bones, muscles, tissue repairs, etc. But carbs is only as fuel for the body and the body only uses so much. When we overindulge on carbs, what happens is the energy which are in excess would be stored away for later use as FATS! This is where we develop the spare tyres because we do not use them fast enough. He said a lot of other things as well but these are some highlights which made an impact on me.

In his view, it is better to be overweight but healthy with a good diet and metabolism, than it is to be thin and UNHEALTHY. Or I suppose in my case, overweight AND unhealthy. I can appreciate this; I've gone through a few 'diet' attempts myself and all quite wrongly and unhealthily. So this time, I will be dieting the right way. I'm in my DAY 2 now. Moving forward, I've just got to move my arse to keep exercising. Wish me luck! :D

Safe Blogging

2010-05-03T14:17:00.003+08:00

The one thing I have learnt since I began having a blog on the internet is, Anonymity is Key.

I know that sometimes you can use the blog as an excuse for freedom of speech and for letting your thoughts and feelings flow freely. But at the same time, people must realise that at the end of the day these "intimate and private thoughts" can be read by all walks of life on the net. Even when you think it is not read by anyone, believe you me, someday, somewhere, somehow, someone is bound to trip over it when they're doing their research or surfing.

That's one of the reasons why whenever I do put in my thoughts, however "raw" they may be, I do not put in specifics. I don't put in full/real names, I don't put in the full story and I do not share my blog page with anyone other than close friends and family (and I mean REALLY CLOSE). That's why sometimes I even forget what was it that I wrote about. I mean, have you ever tried Googling yourself? Okay, it is majorly lame to do that but it's not to blow your own horn. It's just so that you will know that you can be found! No matter how anonymous and incognito you want to be on the web.

I try to be VERY careful to seperate my work life and my personal life as much as I can. I do that in real life because I just do not trust people that easily. For example, in Facebook; I do not add colleagues (or even if I do; Gosh their access to my profile is so limited they don't even know if I'm alive or dead!). Usually, if I were to add any of my colleagues, they'd be the Sayonaras - ex-colleagues. And when it comes to wall posts and status updates - I stay away from putting status updates on days when I'm on medical leave especially, and no wall posts or comments on work WHATSOEVER! I also rarely add relatives but if I do; restricted access. On Twitter; I put my updates on private and I treat it as carefully as my blog - as much as possible NO SPECIFICS!

The reason I'm writing this is, I've seen cases where people's lives are ruined and they lose jobs and livelihood. All for the sake of being in the now and being known/popular. My thoughts on this, don't be stupid! Don't go around your blog or Facebook washing your dirty linens. It might bite you back in the arse.

So here I am, reading some of my past entries (when I have some time) to make sure none of it are too sensitive for prying eyes.

Be safe while blogging!

EEEEEeee!! GERAM NYE

2010-04-27T10:10:00.003+08:00

So can I just go around the office today telling everybody at work to FUCK OFF??

Pretty pleaseeeee... I really want to. NO, I really NEED to. Everybody is being a total bitch about EVERYTHING. Makes me regret coming in to work today. And for what?! So that I can do other people's jobs? Solve other people's problems? Be disrespected and be prejudiced against? GO TO HELL!

In my last entry, I was an emotional wreck. Teary eyed almost every other time and angry a lot. I spoke to my ex-boss (who is now turning into a friend) to just let it all out. She told me to be more selfish and to just let it all out if I am unhappy at work. "Stop doing other people's work, Zima. Tell them to do it themselves. Stop helping them out. It's just not worth it to go the extra mile anymore! Save your energy for the new place you're going to be in."

She got pretty upset about the situation too since she knew how hard I work and how much I try. I hate everyone here. I hate their attitude of "I know everything but if no one asks me I will just play possum and blame others when it starts to bite". I hate their behaviour when it comes to work. I hate how they love to blame others all the time. Nothing is ever their fault. I hate them for claiming seniority without the substance. I HATE THEM SO MUCH I COULD JUST WALK OUT OF HERE!

But I'm not stupid. I would walk away but I need a job before I go. It will happen soon. I can feel it. I will leave this wretched place and let it dwindle in its own shit hole.

HAaaaaaaaaaaa................... I had such a nice weekend (will write about this to make me feel better). But since coming in to work today, I feel a lot better now that I have written all these hate down. InsyaAllah, I will leave this place for good very very soon. InsyaAllah, I will prove to them what a mistake they made in wrongdoing me. InsyaAllah, I will be someone respectable in the near future.

INSYAALLAH!

Melancholy as Company

2010-04-22T09:32:00.003+08:00

It's been a while since I felt like being on the edge and feeling out of control. Today, the emotion became overwhelming.

I am a very sensitive, empathetic and emotional person by nature. I react to things very obviously and if I sense a hint of dislike of me from others, my whole confidence system cracks - if it gets too much, it might even crumble altogether. Then I will somehow pick myself up and rebuild me.

And in all my life, I have learnt to suppress some of these things about me. I still have empathy and sensitivity, my emotions I usually guard especially in a professional scene, and I still react to a lot of things, but the difference is I would always put aside me from the situation and ignore the negativity and focused on the flipside. I would even ignore people who dislike me for whatever the reason may be.

However, after months of feeling like I am worth nothing in my Company, today I could not cope anymore. My system is cracking down. I feel worthless, used, looked down on and stripped of my self-respect. I am sitting here, writing in my blog to pour out my grievances and my sadness because I know this is the place where I am not judged. I can be as pathetic and paranoid and insecure as I want to be, and I know that upon reading the entry again later on, I would tell myself to pick up the pieces and get a grip.

I am right now, at my most unhappiest with my work in this Company. To someone big in my Company, I am the constant scapegoat and the epitome of all that is bad. Whatever good I do is actually a fluke because I am a walking disaster in my work.

The thing is, I know I'm not. I know a lot of other people do not see me as trash. I know GOD knows me - from all the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly of me. And I know GOD would not let suffer like this anymore than I have to.

"Ya Allah, I have wronged you in so many ways, but I beg you, please give be sanctuary from this struggle in my life. Please give me the strength to make it through. Please let me be free of this torture. Please let me find a new job soon and I can leave all this behind me. Amin, Amin, Ya Rabbal Al-amin..."

To Alive or To Be A Life

2010-04-20T11:16:00.008+08:00

Krabi - Maya Bay, Thailand

It's nearing the last week of April '10 and I have not put in a single entry into my blog of life. Am I alive? Clearly am still breathing and moving about but to say that I have a life per se is totally subjective.

April began with me totally disregarding my worries at work. The impending last day of my boss' two weeks notice in the Company, the fact that I'm still stuck in this rut with almost no future, financial tightness of March, and the many sleepless nights or waking up on panic mode all came a halt for one fleeting weekend when I stepped onto the plane and headed out to Krabi with my parents. It was the best of times and it was the most interesting of times. Having gone on a vacation with my parents, I have to admit it is quite laidback and mellowed. We took the spin of Que Sera Sera and decided to just let everything else slide while enjoying Krabi.

So for four days I was at bliss, and felt totally good about myself. There were some dramas laced in the fun but that's a story for another time. Right now, I'm just gonna sum up April in a nutshell.

Then the hallu-balloo of April began almost as immediate as a dessert storm in the Sahara. Almost without warning or preparation. From the moment I stepped into work that week after Krabi weekend, it was non-stop working and no play. Financials didn't even have a chance to recover from March dramas (sink, car repairs, road tax, car insurance and all) and April was already promising a month of tightness too. *sigh* I feel some dissapointment in myself for this but I will prevail!! By hook or by crook.

Worked my hardest, the longest and the most this April and it just doesn't stop for a breather. But despite my current busy-ness and stress, I am determined to have some form of life. So whereever I can slot in some social time, that's what I will take. With family, with friends, with myself. This Friday, I will be going off on a roadtrip to Pearly Island (Penang, for those who do not understand) with some friends. It will be another break that is much needed to put my mind on pause on things of work.

But right now, I am going to concentrate my best and hardest on getting my duties done right and fast before I can wind down on Thursday night for Friday morning travels.

GO, GO, Zima, GO!!

I say a little prayer...

2010-03-29T10:22:00.008+08:00

I probably should start a series of "I say a little prayer" entries...

Today's prayer:

"Ya Allah, please light a path for me to find my way to you and also to know what I want in life. Please let me be brave to take the path not taken and not regret my actions."

"Ya Allah, please let me see my purpose in life and allow me to be vigilant in pursuing this purpose."

"Ya Allah, please give me the ability to use my talents for something worthwhile so that I may find happiness in whatever I do in life."

"Amin, Amin, Ya Rabbal Alamin..."

It's Earth Hour Yet Again!

2010-03-29T08:59:00.006+08:00

It's been exactly 21 days since my last post in, which I ranted about being exhausted. Finally, last Friday I caved in after yet another bout of migraine. As usual, my migraines begin from the very moment I wake up in the morning (whenever it strikes). But thinking it's not a serious one, I decided to put mind over matter and headed out to work. While at work, nausea washed over me, I couldn't see straight and I knew. So I went to the Doctor near my office, got checked, given the funniest and truest prescription of, "Get a life! Take a chill pill once in a while. Doctor's orders!", and proceeded to go home for the rest of the day.

Yes, it was so that the Doctor gave me the day off from work due to stress related migraine. When I got home, the lights of my life had already arrived from Hippo and I instantly felt a whole lot of pressure lifted as I see their loving faces. My world became at peace again for that wonderful moment...

The next day was Earth Hour day. And I love my parents SO much for actually doing it for/with me. Saturday had it's share of drama but it was still good. But as Earth Hour was nearing, I had half a heart about it - my emotions were in turmoil. So I decided to go out and get dinner for us, which resulted in me being late for Earth Hour. My mood was further depressed as I made my way home only to see most of my neighbours and the surrounding neighbourhood totally disregarding Earth Hour (I know there are lots of sceptics around but I was wishful thinking nonetheless). You see, despite my half-heartedness, I was also hoping the spirit of unity surrounding the act would encourage me to continue with the motion. So imagine my delight when I got home and found my house pitch black in darkness. My parents, however much they do not really believe in Earth Hour, did it for me. A simple flick of the switch and my Mum was in the kitchen with only candles to light her way. Of course, we had our tele on (which technically means we cheated some) but that was a compromise between me and Dad so that the parents wouldn't miss the TV show - Akademi Fantasia. LOL! :D

And so, we had our candlelit family dinner for Earth Hour 2010.

I love my family...! :D :D

Exhausted

2010-03-08T08:55:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I just get so tired. Tired of all the things happening and not happening around me. I know this sounds very selfish and immature. But there are just times when I feel like doing and having whatever I want without any qualms. Like taking the day off without having the permission of anyone. Or going travelling to exotic places without worrying about where the money is going to come from. Or having the pleasure of seeing people I love whenever I want.

This morning, I felt exactly that.

I know it's Monday and I probably have a withdrawal syndrome from the weekend. But the urge to stay in bed was much, much stronger today. It was like I cannot accept the fact that today is a workday and I have to see these people at work (who sometimes I do not bear any love for) for the next 5 days of my life. And it doesn't stop there either. It just goes on and on and on...

My parents are planning on going on vacation trips this year. The upcoming one is to Krabi and they've asked me to join them. And then they're heading to the UK and Paris in May in time for Roland Garros. Buffy and BIL are going with them and as they booked the tickets, I was thinking, "Why the hell aren't I going?!".

So I've compensated with myself that I will do what I can to go to Krabi and also make sure that Perth 2010 emerges. I think I need a nice long break from work. Long enough for me to miss work, perhaps. I also think I need to leave this current workplace and move on to "greener" pastures. Somewhere where it's "fresher" with newer faces and problems.

Anyhow, that's the wish for March 2010 - Second week and I'm already feeling drained. Meh!

Love in the Slow Lane...

2010-03-02T14:38:00.003+08:00

This is just how much of a failure I can be when it comes to dating.

I asked Food Boy for drinks and he said... no.

Yeap. That is what happened to make a long story short. Although, the exact thing he said was, "I don't think I can make it today. How about next week?", it was still a 'blow' nonetheless. According to Buffy & BIL, that's 2 downs and 2 more to go (in American Football term). If say we were talking in baseball term, he'd only have 1 more strike before he's out.

Anyhow, the ball (as we say it) is in his court and I have to say, it doesn't seem to be rolling anywhere anytime soon. Last Thursday, when we were quite busily texting each other, I was decidedly on cloud 5. Now, at this very moment, I am officially on cloud 2. *sigh* Why? Well, there's just no contact between us since him turning me down! UBER FAIL...

Okay, I'll be patient. Maybe I was just getting overexcited for nothing. So, I wouldn't say I'm back to square 1 entirely but I would stop the presses for now. Headline's now reading "Lovelife On Hold Until Further Notice".

My Definition of Contentment

2010-02-24T09:43:00.003+08:00

The past few weeks have been quite eventful for me. Well, definitively more eventful for my mundane day-to-day life. I don't lead the most glamorous, whirlwind and fast-paced existence so it's quite a thrill when things actually happen.

I've been keeping myself busy doing at least one thing a day. Sometimes I fail miserably but most days, it's not too bad. I've learned not to wait for anyone if I want to do something - be it as simple as going out shopping, or catching a movie. I think I've used that excuse for far too long that it eventually disguised my laziness.

So, things that have happened since February began and still ongoing...

1) Went home to Hippo for the Chinese New Year/Valentine's Day long weekend. That was a hoot! I was stuck in the traffic jam all the way from Reality to Hippo for 4 hours! And then again when it was time to go back to Reality only that time was 3 hours. While in Hippo, I relished on the relaxation, the heat, the love and the food. It was just what I needed after a few months of non-stop work and no play. Mak & Bapak was my perfect Valentine and I was SO glad to be with them. We went to Kuala Kangsar on V-day for lunch (I mean, how cool is that?! To travel some place just for lunch), went around the town sightseeing a little too. When we got home, I caught up on some reading and lazed around without a care in the world. BUT, I did have a scare that day. Bapak suddenly had an instinct that he forgot to take his medicine that morning. So for a short while, we were on high alert calling his doctor and making sure that he did forget so that he wouldn't experience overdose or something like that. Thankfully, by dinner time he was all better and the next morning, he was even well enough (despite also having a cold) to go for golf.

It was a lovely long weekend which made leaving home all the more difficult and emotional. Even so, I had other things to look forward to too.

2) Reunion with my best friend, Mae, and meeting her fiance, James. Well, since they got engaged anyways. It was a REALLY good fun day. It started with swimming at Mae's house, just us girls while James sleep off the late night before and no doubt we got to talking about everything under the sun. And then it was time for lunch before meeting with the rest of the girls from way back in school. We spent HOURS just catching up and finding out who's dating whom and who's getting engaged/married and people getting preggers and having kids. Y'know, usual things we'd talk about after 10 years since school ended. Gosh, TEN YEARS. Has it been that long?

And before long, I sent Mae & James home for their next friends meet up adventure. I missed them the moment they stepped out of the car. But I'm all the more excited and determined to make 'Perth Trip 2010' happen so that I can spend more time with them. *warmfuzzies*

3) Remember that guy? Food Boy. He finally called! :D And asked me to join him for a walk in the 'park'. Actually more like jungle but nonetheless, it's more than any other guys have asked me to. It's not like a date or anything. Because if it was, he'd probably be willing to pick me up - So I didn't go. It's not my fault - I didn't know how to get there!!! Really. Admittedly, I'm not the most adventurous or nature-inclined girl but I would go. Haha.

Anyways, since then he's been around. Not that he called again since last Friday night but we've communicated via email. Yep. Also, I believe he indicated that I should totally go with him for the jungle tracking thing, whenever that is.

Ooh! The best part - prior to the call.

Last Thursday, as I was going home from work, I was pleasantly surprised by seeing him waiting for me just outside the office! It looked like he was waiting for me but it could be that we just happened to bump into one another. But we had a little chat for about 5 minutes before parting ways. That was exciting. *giggles*

4) I had a lovely weekend indulging on things that I wanted to do. I cooked, I read, I napped, I went to a flee market, I bought a book, I spent time with Buffy & BIL, I hung out with Syaza; and eventhough that sounded very subtle for a weekend it was still a form of contentment for me. :)

Not bad eh?

Where art thou, Mind?

2010-02-10T14:16:00.003+08:00

Check this out, gang.

I. AM. LOSING. MY. MIND.

That's stress talking, right there!

I know I shouldn't succumb to a lot of emo stuff and mix it around with work. But I just can't help it right now. My mind is a jumbled mess and I cannot BREATHE! Really. I have lost my ability to think straight. Let's not even start talking about seeing straight! I wake up every morning dreading the day ahead and I am almost to TEARS everytime I get near the office. Work is really overtaking my life with hardly any amusement whatsoever.

Sure, sometimes in the day there are some fun excitement. Most of the time though, it's like I am an infection under wraps waiting to explode. And you-know-who is CONSTANTLY making me feel like the infection by putting me under the microscope all day long.

It's never enough is it? It's like I do one thing great and ten thousand other things come flooding in, and the moment there's a slip up, I'm being picked on to the brink of breaking down. Honestly, I am hanging on by my tiny finger until I actually, physically bawl my eyes out.

Almost sounded like a whiny bitch during a meeting just now when I said, rather vehemently that I actually want to take next week off. THE WHOLE WEEK! Which really is only three days because of the CNY break. But I know, and everyone else knows, that I can't. SO HOW?!! Maybe I can just apply for it but see if I can really take the whole lot or come back halfway. SHITE! I hate this "I need a break, but I know if I take it, I'll feel guilty and my work will come to a standstill and I will have hell to pay to NO END! " feeling. *CRIESSSSSS*