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Showing posts from April, 2013

One more day...

Alhamdulillah the good day is fast approaching and I'm down to just one more day. Last night I went to take a picture and realised that it will be a definite 5 year commitment, at the very least. Hah! Although of course I would hope that this is a lifetime commitment. That would be best.

It was a little bit intimidating to go around so openly but at the same time I couldn't have felt better or happier to do so. It's quite cozy, to be honest and I am ├╝ber excited!!

So here's what I'll do... I will check back in this blog later tonight (say... at the stroke of or a little after midnight?) to show you what I've been on about the last few entries.

I'm (Not) Ready...

Panic mode came on during the weekend when I was practicing at home. I was suddenly struck with the fear that I will have it done all wrong every time, everyday. Not to mention that all that I have learned I have pretty much forgotten and ended up doing all of it "my way". And then the thought dawned on me that I am probably just not ready for this...

Then I took a good look at myself and kept on practicing and practicing. I kept up with it so that I wouldn't give up. I practiced till the wee small hours of the morning. I practiced till I felt a headache was looming over. I was determined to find a way that it would be comfortable and presentable. To find a method where I am sure that I could cover all angles and have freedom of movement. I suppose you could say that I really went all out on my creativity (even though I might end up forgetting how to do it the next time around). I really just did not want to give in to the temptation to say "I'm not ready",…

Cooking up a Plan

I've had several people asking or rather speculating about my decision. They suspected as much but I neither confirmed nor denied the suspicion. The question came about when I purchased some lovely practical materials to make this a reality.

For those who have guessed it my response is usually, "Insyaallah, soon". And for those who don't they just joked about it saying, "Are you just buying enough for when the time comes?"

Yes, I'm that kind of person. When I want to embark on something what I usually do is get my stuff ready. It's like baking a cake. You don't really know for sure exactly when you would bake but you know it'll be soon. So you start researching on things you'll need; i.e. equipments, recipes, raw materials, baking utensils, etc, etc. This would include slowly acquiring the stuff you'll need. And the thing is you don't necessarily only plan to bake one cake. You might want to bake different types of cakes. Maybe …

4 Days Left!

As D-Day approaches, I must say that I am not without any nervousness, to be honest. I am happy and excited about this change that I am undertaking but I can't help the little flutters of butterflies in my stomach in certain times of the day.

Last night I had bought a magazine to sort of inspire me to remain excited about the change. Unfortunately, the magazine did not succeed to whet my curiosity or my inspiration. I'm sure their initial intention was to show that women can be confident and also prove that their creativity is not hampered or even blocked, which is a wonderful empowering idea. I mean look at Instagram, YouTube and social medias. Some trends are so Avant Garde that it's crazily fabulous! But to me the contents of the magazine made me feel quite intimidated by how loud and boisterous it was. I got scared shitless!

I think as an individual I have learned to understand how I could remain positive and excited about something good and it's not necessarily t…

Just Do It!

After the procurement of those little pins on Monday, I had a few days to do a little bit more research and soul searching. I felt quite eager to initiate my plans earlier than expected simply because it gave me more peace of mind.

I went online to check the correlation of the new initiation/implementation date to see if there were any significant historical happenings. And it turns out that on that very day, our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w's most beloved daughter was born. It was like "liiiightbulbbb...!"

It gave me something to relate to. Lots of times when you're about to embark on something you have control over you would choose a date with some kind of significance, i.e. your 21st birthday, first day of Ramadhan, New Year's Day, an anniversary. I reckon tonnes of people do that, right?

To be honest, it doesn't matter to me what date I choose to actually go ahead with my plans. It's as good a day as any. But knowing that the date I had chosen to …

Needling my way through

You have no idea how stupidly excited I am to find these today...

Just another thing that could/would be useful for me to go ahead with my plans. As mentioned in my previous post, I've made a certain personal decision which will be made known in due course. Now that I have these... I am contemplating to move the implementation earlier. But... I'll have to check my "doubt-o-meter".

Right now, every time I intend to just give it a shot (even in my own convictions) I can't help but feel like it's not exactly the time just yet. It's like a limbo of right time-wrong time. I didn't want to go one day with and the other without just because I feel underprepared. Now I feel a lot more comfortable with the initiation. I guess you could say, the only thing holding me back is... Myself. I know self-doubt is just myself allowing the devil whispering into my ears. I need to learn to shush that voice out and be confident in myself.

For now, as a reminder to mysel…

Avril's April

Assalamu'ailaikum and HEYyyo!

It has been MONTHS since I last updated you on anything. I'm currently emailing my blog post from a different computer outside my home. So forgive me if I miss the mark on when I last updated.

Anyways, it is April 2013 and for the last 4 months or so of this year I've had personal ups and downs, which I think is quite alright in my books, although I had hoped that the not so good wouldn't have happened so soon. The saddest news within the first quarter of this year was when an aunt of mine was disgnosed with Lymphoma in mid-February, and not long after that, she succumbed to the illness on March 1. We were all quite taken aback by how fast it was but seeing her suffer those few weeks was just as sad and unbearable that secretly I think we all felt that it was best that her misery is shortened albeit through death. It truly is the bitter release.

Right about the same time I had three other uncles who were put to the test. One had a tear in…