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Do you like me(e)??

Wouldn't it be easier to just say, "I like you. Do you like me too?"

This is posing to be a problem for me who just prefers communication rather than trying to read hints and body language. Or even trying to decipher catch phrases and its hidden meanings.

Sometimes, I can be daft and obtuse because I cannot, for the love of GOD, know what or when that's being hinted. I just can't. It seems every time I think that's what it means, it turns out all wrong and then I end up feeling like an idiot for having feelings in the first place.

So I've told myself, with these potential conquests, this time around I am not going to be the one falling or crushing first. NOPE, not me. I intend to be the "unsuspecting lucky one" (can I say that?) who happens to have someone who is into me and is pursuing me.

It's not easy for me to be nonchalant because I am so obvious most of the times (except when it comes to work) that it borders on ridiculous! How do I maintain indifference when all I want or feel like doing is talk or have some form of communication or interaction with that person. I hate being so enthusiatic about everything related to the matters of the heart. I get excited about things so fast that I usually end up crashing down. I wish someone would just tell me, "Nope, not yet. He's not into you yet.", "Nope, that wasn't a hint", "Nope, he doesn't like you that way". Argh... Am being dumb.

Thing is, all the while I have to act and behave all wise and mature. But when it comes to this, it's like I'm a child who has not seen the outside world. I'm wondering, maybe I should just be arranged for marriage so that I won't have to seek out "the one" on my own. That way, it's all been set - This is the guy you'll marry, have kids with, argue with and live your life till forever with. But because I'm a walking contradiction, I would be yearning my independence and freedom of thought and action in no time at all. Like for instance, just last weekend, another (younger) cousin of mine got married. And then my youngest aunt suddenly said to me and my mom, "why don't I introduce you to some nice, young, rich man?". My mom heard that and almost jumped to say, "WHY NOT!"

My reaction... "Uhh... ok(?)... If you can." *laugh laugh laugh*  In my mind what really was going on was, "REALLY?!? Do I really want to be set up? Which means, if it works I'd be marrying him, right?! GAAHHH..."

And then mom told dad, and he was like, "You sister always says that, but no action!".

I don't know what dad really feels about that. He doesn't voice out THE question to me EVER. The most that he would ask was, "how's your social life?"

Mom on the other hand started out not asking THE question directly. But lately, I've been hearing, "How's your love life?", "Got a boyfriend?", "That guy would be a good match for you".

Then... my eldest sister dropped a bomb over breakfast after the wedding... "Mom wants you to get married next year. She wants a wedding in the house!" - All this, while I was hoovering down the yummy scrumptious chee cheong fun. I downright almost sputtered out my food!!!

Again... in my mind... MARRY?!! ME?!! - It's not that I don't want to get married BUT... a) I have no one yet, b) despite being (ahem) 25 years old, I still feel like am not ready, and c) the piece de resistance... I can't really imagine myself being married right now. I have not been able to envision it and am scared shitless at the thought!!

WHAT THE HELL WOULD I KNOW ABOUT THAT?!

Truth is... maybe am feeling this way because I know my family has a set of criteria as the "right match" for me to marry, i.e. Malay, tall, highly educated, of good and if possible comfortable-to-do family background, stable, matured, good job with good position, religious... all that jazz; all good except... I keep crushing on... guys of different... backgrounds... especially the double Rs (religion and race).

I knoww!! It's like am digging my own grave but what can I do if the only kinds of guys who are brave enough are those of that... situations?? That is why I reckon, maybe I should just be arranged for marriage. The family would get the guy they'd want for me and I'd be forced to be loyal and un-confused.

But life isn't that cut out for me. I have to figure it out and somehow soldier on. I mean, if I'm meant to be with someone... different that expected... I suppose I'd have to face the music. Then again, maybe somewhere down the road I'd meet someone of the same double Rs who is compatible and would accept me as how I am. GOD-willing. Time to whip out the "Do you like mee?" question (a little trick question a friend of mine thought me a while back. Although I have never tested its effectiveness).

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