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Showing posts from April, 2010

Melancholy as Company

It's been a while since I felt like being on the edge and feeling out of control. Today, the emotion became overwhelming.

I am a very sensitive, empathetic and emotional person by nature. I react to things very obviously and if I sense a hint of dislike of me from others, my whole confidence system cracks - if it gets too much, it might even crumble altogether. Then I will somehow pick myself up and rebuild me.

And in all my life, I have learnt to suppress some of these things about me. I still have empathy and sensitivity, my emotions I usually guard especially in a professional scene, and I still react to a lot of things, but the difference is I would always put aside me from the situation and ignore the negativity and focused on the flipside. I would even ignore people who dislike me for whatever the reason may be.

However, after months of feeling like I am worth nothing in my Company, today I could not cope anymore. My system is cracking down. I feel worthless, used, looked down …

To Alive or To Be A Life

Krabi - Maya Bay, Thailand

It's nearing the last week of April '10 and I have not put in a single entry into my blog of life. Am I alive? Clearly am still breathing and moving about but to say that I have a life per se is totally subjective.

April began with me totally disregarding my worries at work. The impending last day of my boss' two weeks notice in the Company, the fact that I'm still stuck in this rut with almost no future, financial tightness of March, and the many sleepless nights or waking up on panic mode all came a halt for one fleeting weekend when I stepped onto the plane and headed out to Krabi with my parents. It was the best of times and it was the most interesting of times. Having gone on a vacation with my parents, I have to admit it is quite laidback and mellowed. We took the spin of Que Sera Sera and decided to just let everything else slide while enjoying Krabi.

So for four days I was at bliss, and felt totally good about myself. There were some dra…