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Life: Do I want or do I need?

Today I was late to work... again! ARGGGhHhh!! I hate this. It's bad enough that I don't have a job I am so crazy about but to have to come in late for it, which means staying back longer than I have to just to cover the time. It's times like these that I just want to quit.

How many times do I have to feel this way? For how long more do I need to endure this?! I am 25 years old and already I'm feeling like a 55-year-old whose had just about enough of working life and is just counting down to retirement. Seriously!! I hate this feeling. Something's wrong with me for feeling so burnt out at such a young age. Is something wrong with me?

It's not that I've run dry on drive and ambition. I just wish I need not spend so much time and energy in the traffic jam every morning! It's like a bloody cattle drive or a race to nowhere just so you'd try to get there in time. Everytime I decide to find a better job, I'd always tell myself that I should get a place that is nearer to my house and the travel time is not so long. But NOOOOoo... I always end up right back where I started ever since I began working when I was 21. Right smack in the middle of the City. And to top it all off, it just gets deeper and deeper into the middle of the muck called 'City Centre' that getting in and out of it is just pure AGONY!!!

True that the City is where you'd get the better opportunities of a good job, but sometimes I ponder, is it all worth the time and energy? When I get to work, I'm not driven to strive coz I'm tired from the travel. And even before the day starts, I'm already counting down the hours until closing time so that I could rush out of the office just to be home for some rest. I have no social life because of the working hours and my exhaustion. My diet is practically non-existant and only GOD knows what kind of illness I'm developing in my body from lack of exercise.

I hate going to bed tired and waking up tired! I hate being TIRED!! I want to be more energetic and do things I enjoy. I want to write, travel, be creative, be relaxed and happy. I just want to live! I want to live happily and not put myself through dread every single day of my life, putting it on hold for later, when there's no guarantee of later. I need an epiphany on how to celebrate and enjoy my life professionally, personally, spiritually and emotionally.



Nass whY said…
A career change perhaps?
Shugabelle said…
I think so, babe. Just now it kinda sucks to move coz of the economy ey?

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