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Re-introduction to a negative emotion - Anger

For the first time this year, this morning I was awashed with an imense amount of anger. I'm ashamed that it's happened so early in the year. Kind of marrs the good start to the year a little and it doesn't help that I have already been dunked into the pool of panic and stress at work. This is of course, work related. Otherwise, I wouldn't even bother to be so flustered over this.

I'm beginning to think that it's all not worth my effort to help "cover up" for someone who's working with me. I've just about had enough of this person's attitude and this morning was like a major blow to my stomach. This particular person is supposed to be assisting me at work. And of course I'd assign certain things (though admittedly none too successful). So this morning, after being rushed to chase a thousand and one things, I thought this person could probably handle getting a signature, faxing that document and writing an undertaking letter. Boy was I dead wrong!

As I was telling this person what to do, suddenly this person piped out telling me to do it myself even after I'd mention that I would have to be out of my workstation for the better half of the day! Initially I just looked at the person in my attempt to even understand where the point is coming from. But... I somehow... lost that ability. So, I told this person, "Fine! Then don't do it! Coz it's so difficult right?!" and stormed off to do it myself.

A good thing too that right after that I didn't have to sit at my workstation until just before lunchtime. I needn't look/interact with this person. After I signed some documents left on my desk, I coldly returned it to this person without an inkling of emotion, when normally I'd say something or smile a little.

I don't effing care anymore if because of this, this person and compatriots would think I'm heartless or mean. I say compatriots because this person always somehow gets cheerleaders from the others in my department. One day I'll make it known to this person that all the while I have been taking the brunt of my bosses and other people around us for this person. And the act of "Oh, I'm so unwell all the time and I have kids and elderly parents to care for and that's why I'm always on emergency leave and medical leave" will all come crashing down around this person.

My point is, other people have got problems, family and elderly parents to care for too. For goodness sake, my parents are both above 60 years old! But don't make them an excuse for your own laziness. I'm not saying I'm the most diligent but at least I don't skulk around trying to run away from doing my job!! Even when I have no clue or overwhelmed.

Is it right for me to feel this hurt?

~~*Feeling old and used*~~


lyricaldelirium said…
It's completely okay for you to feel hurt.

I've recently felt really amazed how some people abandon responsibilities with no guilt and no repercussion whatsoever from the authorities. And being the one with such an annoying conscience, I just had to be responsible and if it means doing it on my own, then I will.

It hurts that no one else can see this but me. That I've been pulling other people's weight while they socialize and make themselves be so loved by everyone.

But all I know is that wit's ho I am - I can't walk away from it - and hope one day people will see it too.
Shugabelle said…
Thanks for the support. I was beginning to wonder if I had no right whatsoever to be feeling this way.

I think in our case, ol' Jimminy Cricket is working on overdrive on our conscience.

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